Had an interesting conversation today with the cashier at WinCo. She was very friendly and open, so I dragged myself out of my current shell to say, "May blessings rain down on you this coming year!"
She answered, "And may you not have an umbrella when they come."
I wanted to laugh, but I was too busy choking. (Think Voddie Baucham, "If you can't say, 'Amen', you ought to say, 'Ouch'!) This was a HUGE Ouch! moment for me. An umbrella to block the rain of blessings? What does that mean? Somehow, I think this is a big one... and I am guilty. But, in the spirit of "surely I'm not the only one", I thought I would pass the guilt on. :)
The past 5 years have been a horrible, stormy time in my life. In the storms swirling all around me, I don't just carry an umbrella, I've got a full, EPA approved, hazmat suit. Sometimes the storms calm down for a little while, the sun peeks through and the clouds retreat to the horizon. Do I take off my hat and lift my face to the sun in relief? Absolutely not! I see those storm clouds looming, ready at any moment to come swirling back! I pull my suit tighter around me and check my umbrella for rips.
What does this mean in real life?
It means that my children never hear me laugh. It means that my husband rarely sees me smile. It means that no matter who I am with or what I am doing, I am always guarded... always doubtful that anything good will come out of any situation... sure that if I dare enjoy the moment, it will mean that the storms of grief and loss and fear will be that much harder to bear when they sweep in. No, it is better to remain unhappy all the time, than to enjoy the ups when they come.
I don't actually think through all of this, you understand, but looking back at my life over this past year, this is how I think.
And yet....
"May you NOT have an umbrella when the rain of blessings come."
The umbrella of fear and unbelief; of doubt and self-preservation; of past loss and grief.
I came home from the store, opened my mom's devotional for December 31st, (Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest ... you may have heard of it.) and found another interesting statement:
Ecc. 3:15 (I had to look it up, he only quoted the last line)
"That which hath been is now; and that which is to be hath already been; and God requireth that which is past."
What does that mean? You can check out the context if you like, it didn't help me much. The verse seems to stand by itself among the other verses.
God REQUIRES that which is past. He's not just God of the past. He doesn't just cover our past. He wants us to give ... GIVE Him that which is past. Completely. Totally. We do not get it back.
He is not suggesting. He is not saying, "Well, if you can't handle it, I'll take it." NO!!! He REQUIRES our past. It is a must. He does not care if you want to hold on to it ... He does not consider whether or not you think you are strong enough to bear it... He does not even weigh whether the things in your past are good or bad, beautiful or ugly, or a mixed bag. He wants it ALL.
Give it to Him.
Do not hold the disappointment, grief, nor even the joy of the past over your head like an umbrella. Those things will block the blessings that are to come.
This is a New Year. It is time to let go of self-preservation and throw myself into the teeth of the storm with only my faith in God as my shield... Faith that covers me when the storms come, yet opens me to the glory of God when the raging sea calms and the showers of blessing come down.
Lord Jesus, please help us to let go of the past things that hold us back. Let us release them into Your hands and step out unafraid, knowing that You are our shield and our fortress, and that You are able to keep us no matter what comes our way in the future. Thank-You for Your love and Your mercy, and, most of all, Your patience. Amen.
Now...
"...Forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, (let us) press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus." Phil. 3:13
May God rain blessings on you all this coming year... and may you not have an umbrella when they come.
Jules
