Embraced - But At What Cost?

                                                                                                                           


                                                                                                                               
Do you know what it feels like to be embraced? To be wrapped in arms of love and held close?

Do you know what it feels like to be embraced by your Heavenly Father?

It's having wounds break open wide and knowing God is not angry with you for hurting. It's crying over something no one else can understand and knowing you are not crying alone. It's having grief rip you apart but feeling strangely comforted at the same time.

It's watching your world crumble but knowing you stand on solid ground.

It's watching a young man on his seventeenth birthday choose to be baptized. Choose to stand before his church family and proclaim his love and faith in the Lord who has embraced him. Barely six months ago, this young man lost his father. Watching his joy that Sunday, I could not stop my tears. In his loss, this young man has been embraced by his Heavenly Father.

Just guessing, but I think in that moment, his widowed mother was feeling embraced as well.

Do we have any idea how much our Savior loves us?

Do you realize that before Jesus came to earth, He had never felt pain--never even had a body that could feel pain? Did He really know how bad it would be?

What kept Him here the first time He scraped His knee or felt hungry or cold or sick?

By the time He reached Gethsemene, He knew the meaning of pain. Furthermore, He was well aware of the agony Romans liked to inflict. The Romans were deliberate and public with their torturous executions.

Jesus had seen enough and felt enough to be filled with dread at the ordeal He knew was coming. He even asked His Father, "Isn't there any other way?"

The answer, apparently was, "No," because Jesus said, "Okay, if this is how it must be, I will do it." (Major paraphrase there.)

Our "humane" Western minds cannot even begin to grasp the horrors of Jesus' day. Christianity has revolutionized the way humans treat each other, even among those who do not believe. But Rome had not yet met the Christianity about to be born. Speaking of births, we westerners think labor pain is the worst pain a human body can endure.

We're wrong.

The Gospels say Jesus actually sweat drops of blood over what He saw coming. Did you know this is actually possible? It is a very rare condition brought on by intensely high stress. The capillaries in the sweat glands break, leaving one's sweat tinted with blood. But that's just the visible side of this condition. Th invisible side is that it also makes the skin extremely sensitive. When Jesus took the stripes for our healing, He did it with no resistance to the pain.

How could He have loved us that much?

Those lashes were not just skin deep. Rumor is a Roman lashing laid bare the bones of the whipped. These lashings were so brutal that even Rome took pity at this point and decreed the convicted could not be both whipped and crucified.

Pilate ignored that law--or perhaps hoped Jesus would invoke it. Instead, "...as the sheep before its shearers is dumb, so He opened not His mouth."

Quivering with pain and shock from loss of blood, Jesus allowed them to put the horizontal beam of the cross across His shoulders and attempted to stagger up Calvary's hill.

Interesting piece of trivia here: the convicted did not carry their entire cross, as it would have been too heavy. Instead, the Romans left the vertical stakes in the ground at the execution site, and had their prisoners carry the horizontal cross-piece, which was not so heavy.

However, in Jesus' weakened condition even the cross-piece was too heavy. He fell, and a man named Simon was conscripted into carrying it the rest of the way. Then they nailed Jesus' hands to that horizontal piece and raised Him up for the world to see.

Our eyes want to turn away from the shame and agony of that moment.

We want it to be less.

Instead, it is more. In the midst of incomprehensible physical suffering, the pure soul of the Son of God became black with our sins. Sins His holy nature could not bear. Sins that caused His Father to turn away from Him in His darkest hour.

Have you ever done something you were so ashamed of you wanted to crawl out of your skin to get away from it? Experienced guilt so great your chest constricted in physical pain?

I have.

Like a diabetic whose sugar runs high, I'm somewhat used to it--toughened up by hundreds of little sins committed. It's part of being human.

But Jesus--He'd never felt that before. As His body screamed in agony, His soul was crushed beneath the sins I, in a healthy body, could not bear. And not just mine. Not just one person's; a life for a life as dictated by the law of Moses. No, Jesus took on the sins of every believer, past, present, and future...a nearly infinite crushing weight as agonizing to His soul as the crucifixion was to His body.

He bore this weight and agony for about six hours before His human body could take no more, and He breathed His last.

They laid Him in a tomb, rolled the biggest stone they could find over the entry, posted soldiers to make sure no one stole the body, and left Him there. For three days He suffered the punishment ordained for my sins--and yours--standing in our place, taking our shame. For three days, God's enemies rejoiced, certain they had won.

But Sunday was coming...

On Sunday morning, He burst out of that grave with His body healed, His soul pure, and our debt paid.

This is what it means to be redeemed.

This is what my seventeen-year-old friend proclaimed at his baptism. What joy to begin life freed from sin and walking with Jesus!

What joy to know you are never too old to begin!

Jesus sacrifice, as great as it was, is given to us as a free gift. All we have to do is accept it. It's never too late.

Oh my friend! Don't struggle to pay for your own sins! What could you possibly add to the sacrifice Jesus has already made? Instead, answer His plea,

"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest."  Matthew 11:28


Do you know how much Jesus loves you?


May you find rest in His love.

Jules

God Loves It When A Plan Comes Together

         

                

Several months ago, our pastor challenged us to memorize the book of Ephesians. Not just a verse or two, but the entire book. When I was young, I could have memorized it in two weeks or less. But I’m getting older. After several months, I’m almost through chapter three.

It isn’t just that my brain is older and slower. It’s that my attention gets caught by different words…different phrases. They stick in my brain and de-rail my rote memorization as my brain attempts to grasp what is really being said. I can say with no exaggeration that Ephesians is currently my favorite book of the Bible.

Did you know that the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ has blessed us with EVERY spiritual blessing…such as the fact that we were chosen in Christ before the foundation of the world!? (Ephesians 1:3-4)

If you don’t think that’s personal and specific, keep reading. I spent weeks on just the first four or five verses. The book of Ephesians is dripping with God’s love for us. For you. For me.

As I struggle to engrave these precious words into my permanent memory, I occasionally find a concept that seems to have many layers. The most recent of these was Ephesians 2:14-22 (ESV[1])

“For he himself is our peace, who has made us both one and has broken down in his flesh the dividing wall of hostility by abolishing the law of commandments expressed in ordinances, that he might create in himself one new man in place of the two, so making peace,  and might reconcile us both to God in one body through the cross, thereby killing the hostility.

 And he came and preached peace to you who were far off and peace to those who were near.  For through him we both have access in one Spirit to the Father.  So then you are no longer strangers and aliens, but you are fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God,  built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Christ Jesus himself being the cornerstone,  in whom the whole structure, being joined together, grows into a holy temple in the Lord.  In him you also are being built together into a dwelling place for God by the Spirit.”

“For He, Himself is our peace.” 

I need peace right now. It doesn’t matter what circumstances we face. As believers, our peace can always be found in the Prince of Peace, Jesus Christ. I found that thought incredibly comforting – until a nasty voice in the back of my mind accused, “You’re taking that out of context. That’s not the peace Paul’s talking about.”

Maybe not, I thought rebelliously, but it’s still true.

Paul is referring to the conflict between the Jews and the Gentiles in this passage, and the miracle of love shown by Jesus when He included Gentiles in God’s kingdom through His sacrifice. In our day, we have the opposite problem. We Gentiles have to be reminded that the Jews are also included – if we know any Jews to include. Our culture is not the clear-cut mix it was in Paul’s day. Aside from general racism, I really have to stretch to find a corresponding example in my life.

I had a difficult time with this passage because it seemed too specific to have any relevance for me. Everybody knows the Gentiles are included – why keep harping on it?

“For He, Himself is our peace…and has broken down in His flesh the dividing wall of hostility…” (vs. 14)

What does that mean? Romans 8:7-8 flitted across my mental screen.

 “For the mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God's law; indeed, it cannot. Those who are in the flesh cannot please God.”

I sat up a little straighter. Maybe there was a way I could apply these verses in my life.

“For he himself is our peace, who … has broken down in his flesh the dividing wall of hostility by abolishing the law of commandments expressed in ordinances…” (vs.14-15)

My mind was hostile, at war with God, until Jesus came - as a man - prone to that same hostility, but broke down in His flesh the wall of hostility by living a sinless life and allowing Himself to be slain as a sacrifice, both fulfilling the law and abolishing the “law of commandments expressed in (639) ordinances” – the law that made God impossible to please and left me consumed with guilt, dead in my trespasses and sin. But He abolished it – put a stop to it…

“that He … might reconcile us both to God in one body through the cross, thereby killing the hostility.” (vs. 16)

What a way to put it! He didn’t just make peace, He killed the hostility. Killed it, buried it, left it in the grave when He resurrected. It is gone. Forever!

“And he came and preached peace to you who were far off and peace to those who were near.”(vs. 17)

Then He came and told His disciples about it, and sent them into the world to declare that

 “ … through him we both have access in one Spirit to the Father.” (vs. 18)

Both Jews and Gentiles, “us” and “them”, whoever that may be today.

Then Paul reveals the true miracle:

“So then you are no longer strangers and aliens, but you are fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God,” (vs. 19)

Me? Really? Can it be true?

I, who was once

“…separated from Christ, alienated from the commonwealth of Israel and strangers to the covenants of promise, having no hope and without God in the world.” (vs. 12)

I am now included among the saints as a member of the household of God. If you have believed on the Lord Jesus Christ, so are you.

This is a household, not a bachelor pad. I find I have come full circle from what Christ has done for me personally, to what He has done for those who are hostile to each other.

I am not allowed hostility toward others because He did not break down the wall of hostility between myself and God only, He broke it down between each of us as well.

“that he might create in himself one new man in place of the two, so making peace,” (vs.15)

His desire for His people is that we would become one. He emphasizes this again and again in the prayer he prayed for us in John 17:22-23

  … “that they may be one even as we are one,  I in them and you in me, that they may become perfectly one, so that the world may know that you sent me and loved them even as you loved me.”

He has brought us together for a reason. Returning to Ephesians 2, the household of God is

“built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Christ Jesus himself being the cornerstone,  in whom the whole structure, being joined together, grows into a holy temple in the Lord.” (vs. 20)

The whole structure…this is not a physical building, Paul clarifies in the next verse:

  “In him you also are being built together into a dwelling place for God by the Spirit.” (vs. 22)

This is the reason for the command found in Hebrews 10:25,

“not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.”

We are not islands.

The “church” is not a building, or an institution, or a religious system. It is the act of assembling together.

We gather together as a church to worship together, to learn from each other, to correct each other when we start to get off course, to encourage each other… to love each other.

And in this gathering, a temple for the Lord is being built – a microcosm of the plan set in motion before the foundation of the world. A plan Paul reveals in Ephesians 1:9-10

“making known to us the mystery of his will, according to his purpose, which he set forth in Christ  as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth.”

One day all of creation will be united in Christ. That unity began in God and continues in us.

We see the moments. We see the brokenness, we see the failures, we see the abuse, and we see the hurt.

But let us not forget the plan God has set forth in His Son.

A plan for eternity, for healing, for victory, for love, for joy…

For His glory.

And it will be more beautiful than anything our human minds can comprehend.

Have faith, hold on to His nail-scarred hands, and accept the spiritual blessings He has prepared for you.

And go read Ephesians - maybe even memorize it. 

God bless!

Jules

---

[1] For those of you who know me, I have switched to the ESV – but that is material for a different blog.

Why Go To Church?

Wow!

As I travel through the holidays this year, I am constantly struck with a sense of "deja-vu" - or should I say "deja - this is SO different!"

Last year at this time, I was a broken, bleeding wreck, terrified of having to go a whole three weeks without Bible Study Fellowship, and even more terrified of going two weeks without attending my new church while we went on a trip over Christmas. I had reason to be terrified. By Christmas, I was a complete basket case, emotionally crawling from one day to the next. By January second, I slipped away for a quiet Bible study at Shari's and spent most of the time crying into my coffee. I don't know what the waitress must have thought.

It wasn't missing the services that bothered me. It was being without the people. Precious people who had taken me into their arms, their hearts, and their prayers. Especially their prayers. The people held me steady, and even a few days without their influence found me struggling against debilitating depression.

Last year, at this time, I was less than two months away from the day I handed my knife to my counselor, and promised to quit planning ways to take my own life. I did not give it to her because I thought I could actually keep such a promise. I gave it to her because the woman who listened in our sessions had looked me in the eye and said,

"She needs to hear you make the decision to live...and so do I."

She was almost in tears. Knowing someone cared that much gave me the courage to look hard at what she was asking of me - and the reasons I was resisting.

It was not an easy decision to make. Even though I had knelt at the foot of the cross and accepted Jesus Christ as the first, final, and only sacrifice for sin, had felt His cleansing blood wash away the black tar of sin that covered my soul, and experienced His joy flooding my being, I was still afraid to give up my only way out when life became unbearable.

But because of the love in my friend's eyes, because of the pleading in my counselor's eyes, because there were two women in my life who desperately wanted me to live, I stepped out in my baby faith, and made the decision they were asking for - but only if they promised to walk through the hard times with me.

I have SEVERE DEPRESSIVE DISORDER. It's written just like that, in all caps, across all my medical records. Did they have to do it in all caps? I mean, it's a little embarrassing. They put it there because almost two years ago, I was a slender thread away from committing suicide. I had the tool, I had the plan...but my conscience would not quite let me leave my children.

Today, I still have moments of severe depression, but suicide is no longer an option. Really. The truth is, such an act would accomplish nothing except to cause incredible damage to my family - and the people who love me. I belong to Christ. I have a solid foundation in my life. I have people who pray for me all the time. And I know depression for what it is - an emotional headache triggered by lies I tell myself. I can't always control the emotion of depression, but I can usually keep it at bay by countering the lies with truth.

This year, going a few weeks without Bible Study Fellowship is no big deal. It just gives me some time to work on my other studies. I rarely see my counselor, and I have no fear of what might happen if I'm separated from church for some reason. And while I still spiral into severe depression at times, my spirals have a bottom.

I know the depression is not me.

Two weeks ago, I had one of those horrible episodes when I ended up hiding in my room. More specifically, hiding under a blanket in my room, shaking. But something was different: while the depression crushed me under a terrible weight of worthlessness and failure, there was no guilt. It's gone. With the guilt gone, so was the anger - the intense urge to punish myself was simply nonexistent. Jesus already took my punishment. What could I add to His sacrifice?

Even better, with the anger at myself gone, so was the danger of lashing out at my children.

This is a huge change from two years ago. I used to have to lock myself in my room, with noise blaring to keep me from thinking, so I would quit hitting myself, and if my children disturbed me, I would find myself screaming at them. They learned to stay away from me during those times.

This time, when my littlest disturbed me, I didn't push him away. I hugged him. When another child asked a question, I crawled out from under my blanket to answer him. And I found once I started moving, I could keep moving, even if slowly. So I cleaned the girls' room. One. Object. At. A. Time. It was all I could do, but it kept that unbearable weight of depression from crushing me.

It took me a few days to get back on my feet and start thinking clearly again, but when I did, I was able to see the differences in how I reacted. I may still have to fight depression, but God has done an incredible work in my life. Even during my worst episodes, I am stronger than I was.

I did not get here by myself. God used people. Because that's what God does. That's what He has always done. God could have taken the animals through the Flood by leading them to a really high mountain - but he chose to lead them into an ark built by a man. This time of year, we are reminded that God could have sent His Son to earth as a full grown man - but He chose to send Him as a tiny baby completely reliant on frail humans to nurture, protect, teach, and raise Him to the adult Who could be our Savior.

Nearly two years ago, God used my sister to drag my hopeless self off my couch and insist David take me to a doctor. God used a doctor to diagnose me and get me the medical help I needed. God used a woman at church who saw me crying, and took me to someone who could show me Christ. And when that wasn't enough, God used a counselor  to make me face my fears and teach me how to counter them with truth. God used a total stranger who came and listened at those counseling sessions to show me His unconditional love.

Except for the doctor, I met all of these people at a church. Along with a woman who barely knew me, but prayed for me for four years, and another who insisted I go to the Ladies Retreat where I found, for the first time, people I could be myself with. The person who insisted I go didn't make it, but God had two others standing by to give me a ride and make sure I didn't feel awkward around so many people I didn't know.

God used the simple sharing of another's tragedy to point me to where I could find help. God used the heart-wrenching journey of a debilitating disease that left behind a wife and two children to show me how He holds those who are His, no matter what circumstances come their way.

The list goes on.

Each of these people are a gift from God to me. And I would have met none of them had I refused to go to church. I need these people.

I know I'm an extreme case. There's a theory going around that church is just for babies in the Lord who aren't strong enough to stand on their own, and don't know enough Bible to teach themselves. While at one time, I thought this idea might have some validity, I could not make it on my own. My belief in this idea led to the belief that Jesus was angry with me because I failed to be strong enough to stand on my own.

The truth is, I was never meant to stand alone. None of us were. The Bible is very clear on this subject:

"And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works: Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching."  Heb 10:24-25

This is not a law to control people, but a way of fulfilling the command given by Jesus: 

 "A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another."  John 13:34-35

"Love" is a verb - it requires action. We are not left to figure it out on our own, but the Scriptures define what love looks like: 

"And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you."  Ephesians 4:32

"Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord."  
Colossians 3:16

and

"Wherefore comfort yourselves together, and edify one another, even as also ye do."
I Thessalonians 5:11

But my personal favorite, putting it very simply, is

"Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ."
Galatians 6:2  

How do you keep this command when you either don't go to church at all, or refuse to build relationships with those in the church you attend? Yes, the church is the people, not the building or the services, but you meet the people by going to the building for the services. You find out about their lives and their needs by talking to them after those services. And, yes, they find out about yours.

And because they found out about mine, people have stepped up and borne my burdens for the past year. I no longer have to be carried, but I still appreciate their continual support, encouragement and prayers.

Sometimes I can even give back...if only just a bit. My heart bleeds for the widow who lost her husband recently. I don't have the words of wisdom to give her and only see her occasionally, but I can give my love and certainly my prayers. And I watch with gratitude to our Lord when I see others who know her better gather around and support her and her family.

If we are not part of a church family, how can we possibly pray for and support those who are grieving? We may think our relationship with God is so strong we don't need anybody else, and we may even get away with that kind of thinking for a time. But are we then withholding the gift of our strength from a weaker brother or sister who needs us?

What happens when tragedy strikes our home? When I am the one with a husband that's suffering, I want someone to come around, to pray with me, to sit with me in the hospital, to give me hugs and remind me that no matter how bad it gets, God is still in control, and He will bring me through.

No one gets through life without a few hard times. Are you rejecting the gift of people God would use to bless you?

Lord Jesus, please break down the walls of pride that keep me from accepting the people you place in my life. Give me the grace to accept strength and counsel from those you send me for that purpose, and the wisdom to give strength and counsel to those who need what you've already given me. Amen.



Jules

Gratitude

Have you ever just been grateful for where you are at?

Stop.

Take a quiet moment.

Breathe.

Quit worrying about all the things you should be doing and allow yourself to feel the love of the Lord surrounding you.

What has God done in your life?

No matter what chaos swirls around me, I always have a ground zero - a foundation from which the rest of my life flows. My one hope, my solid ground, my anchor, is the sacrifice of Jesus Christ, His covering blood, His constant intercession fro me guaranteeing my entrance into His eternal Kingdom.

How sure is my hope? It is guaranteed by two things in which it is impossible for God to lie: the word of God, and (just to make sure we know He meant it) His oath. He swore by Himself as the highest power He could swear by. We find this promise in Hebrews 6:17-20

Wherein God, willing more abundantly to shew unto the heirs of promise the immutability of his counsel, confirmed it by an oath:

That by two immutable things, in which it was impossible for God to lie, we might have a strong consolation, who have fled for refuge to lay hold upon the hope set before us:

Which hope we have as an anchor of the soul, both sure and stedfast, and which entereth into that within the veil; Whither the forerunner is for us entered, even Jesus, made an high priest for ever after the order of Melchisedec.

If there is nothing else in my life for which I can be grateful, I can begin there.

But there is more.

From my basic salvation, I can meditate on the character of the God who sent me that salvation - His love, His justice, His faithfulness...

I love the way His love and faithfulness come together in Jeremiah 31:3 (ESV)

I have loved you with an everlasting love;    therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you.

He is faithful because He loves. His love never ends because He is faithful.

Reminded of God's love and faithfulness, my heart turns toward the people He has placed around me. I am not making this journey alone. God has surrounded me with people who love Him and who love me. People who walk with me, cry with me, laugh with me, and pray with me.

Every time my journey takes a turn and I am at a loss over what to do next, my Lord sends one of His servants into my life to take my hand and help to guide me through the next phase of my journey.

There was a time when I was cut off from other believers. A time when God isolated me because my heart was closed and I had to become desperate before I would open it. But even then, I was not truly alone. My Jesus was right beside me every step making sure my tears and despair worked for His purposes and not my destruction.

For that time, too, I am grateful.

Had the Lord not led me through those dark times, I would never have discovered the precious gifts that enrich my life today: gifts of His people, gifts of truths found in His Word, gifts of truths about Who He is and, the most beautiful gift of all - His gift of grace.

For by grace are ye saved through faith. And that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God. 
Ephesians 2:8

So this morning, I sit in a quiet moment - warm, comfortable, looking out on a beautiful day, and feeling a deep contentment rooted in the perfect love of my dear Savior, my Lord, my King, my friend, and my God.

Jesus, indeed, paid it all.

How could I possibly respond with anything less than

All to Him I owe.

May your day be rich in His blessings, 

Jules

Serving the I AM

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,

When sorrows like sea billows roll;

I can't stop crying, so I guess it's time to write. I'm not crying because I am sad, but because my heart has been touched by grief and overwhelmed by gratitude.

Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,

An old man wanders the halls of the new church I have been attending. He seems a little lost, a little unsure on his feet. Yet... a slight smile tugs at the corner of his mouth, and there's a twinkle in his eye. I smile back. I don't remember seeing him before. Something about him catches my attention and I turn to watch him as he passes unsteadily down the hall. I wonder if he has had a stroke.

Later, I find out it is worse than a stroke... and Jim isn't as old as he looks. Two years ago, he was diagnosed with Parkinson's. Now he has a brain tumor - yet his eyes are saying, 

It is well, it is well, with my soul.

I will never forget the first time I met his wife, Virginia. I was wandering over to one of the few people I knew in a sea of unfamiliar faces. My friend was talking to Virginia and graciously introduced us. In a few words, my friend told me what Jim was going through, and that she was asking Virginia for an update. Virginia, equally gracious, allowed me, a total stranger, into her world and included me in her report. 

I was struck by her calmness as she told us her husband's mind and abilities were deteriorating, and it was only going to get worse.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,

Let this blest assurance control,

Two images flashed simultaneously across my memory. The first, my ungodly, alcoholic grandfather. Although diagnosed with dementia in his final years, my aunt always said he had "pickled brain." The more his mind deteriorated, the meaner he became, saying nasty things to people and spitting in the faces of the nurses who tried to feed him.

That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,

And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

The second image was of my husband's grandmother, Grandma Eileen. Diagnosed with Alzheimer's, she could remember nothing more recent than forty years ago. Yet the day she met me, she patted me on the hand and said, "Oh, Honey, he (David) doesn't have to introduce you - I would never forget you!" Everything that woman did was aimed at making sure the people around her were happy and cared for - she even left sandwiches laying around for the helpers at the nursing home because, "they are growing boys and boys are always hungry." Her love for Jesus shone in her eyes and permeated her actions.

It was Grandma Eileen’s testimony that broke the final chains binding me to legalism and convinced me of the finality of Christ's work on the cross.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!

My sin, not in part but the whole,

Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,

Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

Hearing Virginia voice her concerns about what Jim's deterioration might do to his personality, I blurted out, 

"In my experience, the more a person's mind deteriorates, the more we see what Jesus has built in them."

What was I thinking? Open mouth, insert foot. Who was I to offer such advice to someone I didn't even know? I meant to be encouraging, but I must have sounded terribly condescending. Virginia only flashed me a beautiful smile and explained the drugs they were giving her husband were known to change personalities and to make people mean. There was nothing more I could say except that I would pray.

And pray I did. I prayed... and I watched. I don't know if Virginia even remembers meeting me, but I've spent the past eight months watching them like a hawk. I was new to faith in total salvation by Christ alone. I had been raised to believe only people who understood the doctrine of perfection could live a transformed life...and since people outside that fellowship did not believe in perfection.... Yet, I had seen Grandma Eileen, while not perfect, living a life so transformed, so different from the ordinary, it had convinced me of Jesus' complete ability to save us in spite of ourselves.

So I prayed, and I watched. Would it happen again? Was the God I now served more powerful than brain tumors, troublesome medications, and doctor's predictions? Had I just put a huge stumblingblock in front of a grieving wife?

For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:

If Jordan above me shall roll,

February came, and with it the annual Ladies' Retreat. Virginia gave her testimony. A beautiful testimony of God's grace as He walked with her family through these terrible times... of how Jim's faith remained secure... of Jim laughing in times of clarity at things he'd done during times of confusion.,. of them being able to share their faith, love, and joy in spite of the medications and that terrible tumor. 

Over the spring and summer, I watched Jim age another ten years as he continued to decline. In all that time, I never once saw his smile waver.  In all that time, I saw only faith and courage in Virginia - and her still beautiful smile.

No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life

Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.

When my father went through his cancer twenty years ago, we prayed God would heal him - we begged God to heal him. Death was a frightening thing to one who had not yet reached perfection. Therefore, all our prayers centered on my dad being healed. Although my pastor did not teach faith healings, there were whispers around the edges...if only we had enough faith.... Then my father’s friend called him from California, "God told me He was going to heal you!"

My father was not afraid. He ignored both the nonsense about his rumored lack of faith and the hopeful prophecies. Somehow, the Lord he served his entire life had gotten past our perfectionist doctrine and assured my dad that he was saved. He had no doubt where he was going when he died. 

It is well, with my soul,

Unfortunately, while my dad rested in the peace of his Savior, the faith of others rested in dad's healing. When he was not healed, their faith was severely shaken. At least two people left the church over it. The rest of us sought comfort in believing maybe he reached perfection in his last hours. 

What a contrast I saw that night at Jim's memorial! The family was grieving - but only for themselves. Not one person there doubted where Jim was. Not one person wondered whether or not he reached perfection. Not one person secretly doubted if Jim was righteous enough to be saved.

Because it was not Jim's righteousness that mattered! It was Christ's righteousness. Jim had believed in the saving power of the cross of Christ and accepted Christ's righteousness as his own. Longtime friends testified to the transformation they had seen in Jim when he became a believer. Those who knew him well testified that he was not perfect, but he took his faults, his insecurities, his needs to the cross where his Savior met him every   single   time.

It is well, with my soul,

Instead of faith being shaken when Jim was not healed, faith was strengthened as people witnessed the faith of Jim and Virginia and the provision of their Lord as they walked through his final weeks...days...hours.

In the end, when Jim could barely talk, the pastor asked him what verse was helping him through these last days. (I noticed he did not ask if there was a verse - he knew there was one.) Jim's answer had me crying for days. On a piece of paper, with shaking hand, Jim wrote the reference Isaiah 26:3. 

“Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.”

Jim and Virginia do not serve an If-Then God bound by circumstances. They serve the I AM.  

I have my answer.  Our Lord Jesus Christ is still bigger than brain tumors, troublesome medications and doctor's predictions. Is it any wonder the first song at his memorial was "It is Well?"

It is well with my soul

It is well, it is well,

With my soul.

Dear Virginia, I know the days ahead are going to be hard. Please know that my prayers are still with you and your boys. Know as well that the I AM who brought you this far is still with you, keeping you, loving you. Rest in Him. 

God Bless, 

Jules

See story behind "It is Well" here.