The Promise

After that first experience, where I learned that my husband really IS my head, I started studying the Bible, researching, trying to find what my place really is. It has been eight years, and I think I am finally ready to start sharing what I have learned. The first lesson I would like to pass on to others is the promise. I've never heard anyone else call it that, but the more I try to live what I learn, the more I see that the very first promise in the Bible is almost completely ignored - or tossed off as a nice saying for a wedding service.

Genesis 2:24 "For this cause shall a man leave his father and his mother and cleave unto his wife, and they twain shall become one flesh."

That's a promise. One that has been ignored or misunderstood, and in modern times and from what I see throughout history, only obtained by accident. What does it mean?



Any single living unit is made up of different parts working together for a common purpose. If we want to be one with our mates, we need to learn which part we are and function accordingly. The Bible is very clear about what the man is to be, and what the woman is to be. Unfortunately, it seems that everyone focuses on what the man is, gets it wrong, and completely ignores what the woman is. For this post, I'm going to start with the man's position, and how it relates to me (although I am finding that there is no way for one to function properly without the other falling into place).

I Corinthians 11:3 "But I would have you know, brethren, that the head of every man is Christ, the head of the woman is the man, and the head of Christ is God."

I am beginning to think this is the most abused and poorly understood scripture in the Bible. Let me give you an example:

There is a couple, whom I love dearly, who have been married for nearly 50 years. The husband is always gleefully embarking on some project or other - always busy, always totally focused on his latest adventure. The wife is completely obedient to whatever he decides to do. She does his laundry, cooks his meals, and patiently endures whatever project he's currently involved in. She does what she must as the dutiful wife - then goes and lives her life. Separately. She has her own projects, her own friends, her own amusements. They live together; they are fond of and comfortable with each other; but they are more roommates than heartmates. He embarks on his projects, and comes in for meals - often leaving for hours at a time without even telling her he's left. She puts up with him when he asks something of her and ignores him otherwise. Yet, according to fundamentalist teachings, she is technically an obedient wife. She believes that he is her head. Looking at their relationship, any woman with half a backbone might say, "I don't want any man to be my head!" I understand their disdain, but I contend that not only is he NOT her head, but also that she has totally abdicated her function - as his heart.

Let me explain: when I started letting David be responsible for the finances in our house, that meant I quit fighting with him over how he would bring in income. I let him decide how to support the family. I let him take point, to use a military term. In return, he relaxed and turned the allocation of funds over to me. We now discuss what needs to be spent, then he makes the money, and I put it where it needs to go. If we don't have enough, I let him know what we need, and we either do not spend in a certain area, or he finds a way to bring in more funds. He is the head financially, but he does not do it all himself. I am the heart. I take care of the inner details. When both of us are working at it together, we reach our financial goals much more smoothly and easily. Instead of two people each striving to reach their own goals and fighting each other to get their piece, we have two people striving to reach an agreed goal and reinforcing each other - and getting peace.

The couple in the above story are living two completely separate lives. She may obey him, but she is not a part of anything he does. Since she has made it clear that she does not want to be a part of anything he does, he does not confide in her, he does not value her input, and she is not his heart. His heart is in his projects. She has not let him be her head. She does not care how he thinks, she has not let him take point on the path they are on. The result is that they are following separate paths. For him to be her head, she has to be more than obedient. She must not only follow his lead, but also help him to reach his goals. After all, why was a woman created? She was created to be his "help meet". (Something women should think about BEFORE they get married.)

Another couple I know, also married for around 50 years, have found a way to tap in to this promise through a word of advice given when they were first married. I don't remember the exact words, but the advice went something like this: "Whatever path you're on, make sure you are walking it together." They have followed this advice. One would never consider her an abused, put down, pitiful woman. She does not fearfully ask his permission to do anything that I've observed. She does things with him and without him. Yet he is always a part of her world, and she is a part of his. They enjoy each other. They don't think about who is in charge. They simply walk their road of life together, hand in hand. She lets him take point, and he makes sure she is protected and cared for. They work together, and, without even thinking about it, become more and more one with each passing year. A simple, sweet fulfillment of the promise of God. May I have the grace to someday obtain the same.



Jules