Who's Judging Who?

I had an interesting conversation the other day, and it made me think I'd like to blather a bit. It's been awhile.

We were at the coast for Stephen's birthday, and I had a lovely conversation with a mother of a single 6-year old. I really don't know how it started, only that she started it. It went something like this, "First people say 'You're too young to have kids.' Then you get married and it's, 'When are you going to have kids?' Then you have a child and it's 'When are you going to have another one?'" At which point, I had to smile and say, "Try having more than 3. Then it's 'You have too many kids - when are you going to stop?'"

We had a good laugh, but it started me thinking: No matter what you do in your life, somebody always wants you to do something different. The world has this specific timeline for every aspect of family life, and if you don't conform, they'll let you know. I've come to believe that people are more judgemental of those who follow the Biblical plan of a large family than they are of those who have children out of wedlock. After all, those poor single parents need all the help they can get... it MUST have been an accident... the married woman is just being stupid. (If you don't believe me, just try having more than 3 children and see what kind of comments YOU get!)

That judgementalism is a funny thing. "Judge not" is raised as a shield, not a standard of life. i.e. "You'd better not judge me, but I can judge you all I want."

"Judge not." What does that mean, anyway? I think the sappiest line I've ever heard was, "Everyone has to live their own life." The words are true, but the attitude I've heard behind them translates better as, "I think you're wrong, but I'll say the words so that I sound like I'm good and we won't have to discuss this."

The truth is, unless one is a brainless moron, EVERYONE has an opinion -- on just about everything. It's what we do with that opinion that's important. Do we use it to condemn our brother/sister? Do we use it to help our brother/sister? Or do we keep it to ourselves, see what fruit a thing bears, and use it as a warning or enhancement of our own life?

We saw a great example of this the other day. We were driving down the road and we passed a red truck in the ditch. My first thought (shame on me!) was, "That person must have been drunk." My second thought (possibly not mine) was, "Maybe they just swerved to avoid hitting a child." In the first scenario, I condemned the driver as a dangerous idiot. In the second, I exalted him as a hero. Either way, I just judged someone I didn't even know. The truth was that a red truck was in a ditch. I do not want to be in that ditch. I will try to avoid going in that ditch, and I will attempt to keep my children out of that ditch. If the driver is still in the ditch and wants out, I will do whatever I can to help them out. (For all I know, he drove into the ditch to pick blackberries and can get out by himself.)

God does not ask His people to be mindless robots. He gave us minds that are endlessly capable of learning and growing. We do need to be able to judge what is right and wrong in our lives. But our focus needs to be on our own lives... not on somebody else's.

Another example: I homeschool. I believe God has called me to homeschool. I believe, with few exceptions, most children are better off homeschooled. If you complain to me about how your child is failing in school and the teachers are being unfair and the other children are leading your angel astray, don't expect much sympathy. If, on the other hand, your child is doing well in school, he/she is excited about learning, and they have even gathered a group of believers around them (this example based on a true story), you have my sincere congratulations. On the third hand, the reality is: If I am not having a conversation with you on the subject, I am probably not thinking about it one way or the other. Please do not take my strong convictions for a judgement on your life.

And the next time you see me in the ditch, please remember that I have 6 kids. Most likely I just fell asleep at the wheel.

Love in Christ,

Jules