Am I Saved?

I've had an interesting month.  It started with a Ladies' Retreat in Seattle.  I went because I wanted to see some friends I've not seen in a while.  The entire retreat was an echo of the grief that prompted me to write my previous post.  Women grieving for their children and grandchildren who are not serving the Lord.  Children who are being devoured by the world and the "I have a right to be happy" mentality... a mentality that ironically brings the opposite: anxiety and depressive self-centeredness that ends in misery and loneliness.  I prayed and grieved with these women, but had very little comfort to give.  I am struggling to teach my own children why the "I have a right to be happy" worldview can never succeed. The other reason that I could not give comfort is, of course, because none of these children are still at home.  Their mothers' time is done.  Mine has just begun.

Am I doing any better?

One of the most distressing things I witnessed at the Retreat was the testimony of one of the few younger women there.  In desperation, the moderator asked this 24-year-old why she was still in the church.  Her answer, "Because I follow the path of least resistance.  I'm still living at home... it is easier to go with my parents than not."  I am not making this up.  Even worse, no one saw a problem with her statement.

It broke my heart.

As the others smiled indulgently,  I cried over what I did not hear.  I did not hear, "I stayed because I love the Lord. Because Jesus died on the cross to cover my sins. Because I am hungry for the Word of God. Because I want to be with God's people. Because I want to serve the Lord."

"Because I am saved."

I did not hear those things because they are not there.  Because this young woman whom I care about very much is not saved.  Therefore, over time, the thin threads of family and friends and convenience that keep her darkening the church doors will fray and separate, and she, like so many before her, will be lost.

I do not want my children to be lost.

Yet, how can I help them, when I feel lost myself.  You see, I traveled over 6000 miles this summer.  I saw people from many different churches, and I learned something important.  The people who are saved?  You can see it in their eyes and in their life... and what I have seen in them I do not always see in me.  It is the life of Christ that bubbles out of them and brings peace, joy, and assurance no matter what their circumstances.  I have tasted it, but I do not live it.  And it is the one thing that can save my children.

But am I saved?  How can I lead my children to Christ if I am not saved?

I have a pedigree that reads like the Apostle Paul's.  My father was a minister in the church that I attended faithfully for 38 years.

But am I saved?

I was raised up under one of the greatest Bible teachers in the Body of Christ. I studied diligently.  I have been memorizing scripture since I was 5 years old.

But am I saved?

I served God's people faithfully.  I was in Band and Choir.  I made coffee every Sunday.  I was at every work-day, I worked long hours with no sleep every Conference.  I did it all with joy.

But am I saved?

Like Paul, I speak as a fool.

Because when my circumstances changed, my joy disappeared.  When I could no longer do the works, my faith crumbled.  If I could not do the works, God must not want me anymore.  How could I possibly be saved if I was not doing enough good works?

Can you hear it? The sound of works righteousness.  The sound of me trying to gain salvation through my own works.


James 2:18-20

18 Yea, a man may say, Thou hast faith, and I have works: shew me thy faith without thy works, and I will shew thee my faith by my works.

19 Thou believest that there is one God; thou doest well: the devils also believe, and tremble.

20 But wilt thou know, O vain man, that faith without works is dead?

This scripture is my creed.  Yet, in the end, my works could not save me.  My righteousness is nothing but filthy rags (Isaiah 64:6).  Oh, and when the scripture makes that statement, it isn't talking about ordinary dirt.  The actual translation would read "menstrual rags".  Ewww!

When I was attending to all the good works in the church, I never understood this scripture.  I understand it now.  When the peripheries were taken away and I had to focus on myself and my family, I found that all my knowledge and good works meant nothing.  In spite of all I "know" about how to be a good wife and mother, I find I fail at it every day.  I cannot do it by myself.  My own sense of righteousness is not enough; I have not the strength and the energy to show my husband the reverence God has asked of me, nor to show my children the patience and love they need on a daily basis.  All the good I thought I had has vanished in the daily grind of trying to be perfect through my own works.

Turns out, I am not saved.

I forgot Galatians 2:21-22

20 I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.

21 I do not frustrate the grace of God: for if righteousness come by the law, then Christ is dead in vain.

I am a fantastic law keeper.  My mistake was in thinking that the law would save me.  "If I just dress right, attend the right church, pray right, serve right, then God will love me and bless me."  Then, when things go wrong, "I must not be doing something right.  Jesus, just tell me what to do and I'll do it.  What am I doing wrong?!"

The answer?  Nothing.  I need to be saved.  I need to understand that there is none good in themselves.  Jesus makes a point of this in Mark:
Mark 10:17-18

17 And when he was gone forth into the way, there came one running, and kneeled to him, and asked him, Good Master, what shall I do that I may inherit eternal life?

18 And Jesus said unto him, Why callest thou me good? there is none good but one, that is, God.

What? Do you mean Jesus was not good?  That's not what He said. He said there is none good but God. The man was kneeling at His feet asking for eternal life. Did the man know that Jesus was the Christ? That He was God and therefore good? The Lord then tests him - He tells him to keep the law. The man proudly asserts he's done all that - he's been good. Has he really? Jesus asks him one more question:

21 Then Jesus beholding him loved him, and said unto him, One thing thou lackest: go thy way, sell whatsoever thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come, take up the cross, and follow me.

22 And he was sad at that saying, and went away grieved: for he had great possessions.

The man had bowed to Jesus and spoken to Him as though he believed He was the Messiah, yet was unwilling to follow Him. Why?

Romans 8:7-8

7 Because the carnal mind is enmity against God: for it is not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can be.

8 So then they that are in the flesh cannot please God.

This man had done all he knew to do in the flesh, and it was not enough - it can never be enough.

What, then, must I do to be saved?

In Acts, there was another who asked that question.  Paul was thrown in prison.  The prison was hit with an earthquake that not only opened the prison doors, but also freed Paul and Silas from their chains.  But, instead of getting out while the getting was good, they stayed and preached to their jailer instead.  In awe at the power of their God, he asked that question:

Acts 16:27-31

26 And suddenly there was a great earthquake, so that the foundations of the prison were shaken: and immediately all the doors were opened, and every one's bands were loosed.

27 And the keeper of the prison awaking out of his sleep, and seeing the prison doors open, he drew out his sword, and would have killed himself, supposing that the prisoners had been fled.

28 But Paul cried with a loud voice, saying, Do thyself no harm: for we are all here.

29 Then he called for a light, and sprang in, and came trembling, and fell down before Paul and Silas,

30 And brought them out, and said, Sirs, what must I do to be saved?

31 And they said, Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved, and thy house.

He and his house were saved.  Right then.  Right there.  They were not given a list of things to do, they were only asked to do one thing.  Just one.

Believe.

Okay, great! I believe.  Now what do I do to be saved?

Believe.

Yes, yes, then what?

Believe.

But I need to "work out my own salvation"... I need to earn this grace. I need to show I'm something special.  I need to...

Believe.

It is not up to me to make myself righteous. My righteousness is not just worthless, it is bloody and disgusting and needs to be thrown away - preferably burned. Only the righteousness of Jesus can make me clean.

Romans 5:18

18 Therefore as by the offence of one judgment came upon all men to condemnation; even so by the righteousness of one the free gift came upon all men unto justification of life.

Jesus came that we might have life, that righteousness might reign in our hearts.  We cannot do it in ourselves, but must turn our eyes on Jesus who is the "author and finisher of our faith".  (Hebrews 12:2) What does that mean?  The author decides the outcome of the story.  He also decides every event that happens.  He even writes how we get through those events.  We can have faith that He is in control and so live in peace.

Romans 5:1-2

5 Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ:

2 By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God.

But everything is going wrong!  He's either not in control, or He just doesn't care about me anymore.

Believe.

Romans 5:3-5

3 And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience;

4 And patience, experience; and experience, hope:

5 And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.

Believe that our God does all things well.  Believe that what He is doing right now is to work His glory in your life.  He called you, specifically, because he loves you specifically.

John 14:6

6 Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.

You would not even be interested in God if He had not drawn you, personally to Him.  Still think you can gain or destroy your own salvation?  Here is another scripture for you:

John 6:44

44 No man can come to me, except the Father which hath sent me draw him: and I will raise him up at the last day.

Not only did God draw you to His Son, but His Son has drawn you back to the Father. They are both interested in your salvation.  Did you read the last line?  Both God the Father and His Son, Jesus Christ have predestined you for salvation.  You could not know nor care about Him otherwise.

This gives new meaning to Ecclesiastes 4:12

12 And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

You can resist, but they two will prevail against you.  What happens when you surrender?  When you allow yourself to become part of that threefold cord?

Romans 8:31

31 What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us?

Believe.

Having drawn you, He has no intention of letting you go.  Remember, He is not just the author of your faith, but also the finisher.

Romans 8:35-39

35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?

36 As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.

37 Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.

38 For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,

39 Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Jesus does not lose those who are truly His.

Believe.

Lord, I believe.  Help thou mine unbelief.