"You know, Julie, when the Bible says to 'obey your husband', it is not referring to husbands who are not following the Lord."
Really? Whoopee! I'm off the hook. Every time I disagree, I'll just decide my husband is not following the Lord!
I Peter 3:1-2*
3 Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct.
Oops. There went that excuse. Sigh.
Bombarded on every side by independent, worldly thinking, it is incredibly easy to buy into "Christian" feminism: "Only God has the right to tell me what to do!" (Completely ignoring the above scripture.)
However, experience has taught me that God knew what He was doing when He created men to be the head - and women to be the heart in our "becoming one" experience.
Several years ago, the church I had always attended went through a spiritual war. My husband quietly quit going. He never asked me to stop, but the Lord convicted me. If I was going to truly submit and show the reverence the Bible asks of me, I had to let him take the lead. I reluctantly told my husband I would not go unless he did. He sighed as if a deep weight had fallen off his shoulders.
I thought he was wrong. My family thought he was wrong. The members of the church thought he was wrong.
A year later, a large group split off that church and formed a home church group. These people had been so badly abused by the controlling new pastor, that my husband and I saw them as a spiritual ICU.
Following my husband, as painful as I thought it was at the time, had actually spared me an incredible amount of emotional injury.
Bringing it home, when was the last time you asked your husband if there was something you could do to please him? Something he is reluctant to mention? Ask him why he feels that way. You may be surprised by his answer, as I have often been. Once I know what he is thinking, it is often easier for me to yield...or at least have a direction - a discussion starter.
I could stop here, but it seems this is where everyone stops...at the husband's headship. However, the text does not stop here. While reminding the ladies that the husband is their head, the following verses remind the gentlemen that their wives, their heart, needs something from them as well.
I Peter 3:7
7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
If I could meddle just a bit more? Husbands, please understand that your wife is an emotional creature. These emotions keep her soft toward you and your children. They can also make her vulnerable to hurt and deception; easily lured by her love and desire to show mercy.
Once we left the church of my youth, I was lost. My husband would have been content to build a wall around our home and never leave; completely willing for us to serve God in isolation. However, understanding me, he saw that I desperately needed the support of other Christians. We had no idea where to go, but it was up to him to take the lead. As I bounced in my emotions from group to group, David was our stabilizer. He kept us moving until we found a place our family could really fit.
If I were to ask one thing of husbands, it would be that they ask their wives what they need for comfort and strength during the hard times. Women often hide their hurts, and you will either not know, or think they are just in a bad mood. Sometimes all they need is a weekly coffee date. A time when they know you will listen, and not write off their concerns as unimportant.
Why bother?
I Peter 3:7b
...so that your prayers may not be hindered.
Matthew 18:19-20
19 Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. 20 For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.
Is there some struggle in your spirit that you have been enduring silently? Ask God for wisdom and guidance to bring you agreement on the subject. It may be easier than you think.
The past seven years have been a difficult journey. It has been made easier because, after talking things through, we found ourselves in agreement on many of the struggles we faced. Often one of us would feel we should take a certain path and be hesitant to mention it - only to find the other was thinking the same thing.
God gave us a promise that two would become one. Like many of His promises it is a process and requires time and discipline to see it fulfilled.
Hebrews 12:11
11 For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.
We, as men and women, have been created completely differently. It is God's delight to take our differences and weave them into a cohesive whole. The fruit is worth the growing pains.
God Bless,
Jules
*Normally, I use the King James Version. However, in this case the ESV states things a bit more clearly. How can you have a conversation without a word?
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