Singles

Okay, this is an odd one. Be forewarned, you may disagree with some of my thoughts. My thoughts are neither Bible nor the voice of God. Check them out with the scriptures yourself and feel free to discard what doesn't line up... but please remember I am still on a journey, and still learning.


The church where I grew up had a dormitory where many singles lived. It wasn't planned, we just happened upon a cheap piece of property when looking for a place to build our church building. The dorm happened to be on the property and seemed a good place for single people to live. My family lived right next to the property when I was growing up and I loved prowling around the grounds and attending various functions on the campus. I even lived there for a year or so before I married. Bro. Baxter saw the dorm as an excellent place to show hospitality and to promote fellowship within the church family. It did work that way at first, but as time went on and young, outgoing singles turned into old maids and bachelors, the residents of the dorm quit engaging in hospitality and tended to retreat to their cells. The dormitory became more like a cloister than a dorm.

Thinking about it, the term "dormitory" implies someplace temporary, like a college campus or a campground. It worked that way for me, and several other young people. However, attitudes changed when it became a permanent residence for people. Looking back, it seems that the building, while providing a safe place for single women, also discouraged women (not so much men) from reaching for their full potential in God.

What do I mean by that?

It all goes back to creation. Woman was created because man needed her. Gen. 2:



18 And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.



Men seem to know that they should not be alone, and from this woman's perspective, are not fully content single, although they may accept singleness as the Lord's will. Women, on the other hand, take this scripture and say, "Men may need women, but I don't need anyone!" (Our feminist culture has ensured that we think this way.)

The fact is, women DO need men. We need them for protection, and for direction, if not for provision.

What happened in the dorm? Single women were kept safe and protected by the building and the men who lived there (on a completely separate floor, by the way); and when their emotions got the better of them and they needed direction, Bro. Baxter's door was always open. In essence, he unintentionally took the place of a husband - without the joining and the fulfilling purpose of a marriage. A little bit like the scripture found in Isaiah 4:1



And in that day seven women shall take hold of one man, saying, We will eat our own bread, and wear our own apparel: only let us be called by thy name, to take away our reproach.



Ouch. We did not recognize this attitude at the time. Nor do I think it was true of those who married. However, many of the women who stayed in the dorm became ultra-independent and developed extremely negative attitudes toward marriage and men. For example, at a bridal shower recently we were being asked to give advice on marriage to the soon-to-be bride. One of these women said simply, "Don't do it". Followed by a barrage of negative comments on men and marriage and the benefits of remaining single. Yes, she may have held these views before she lived in the dorm, but the dorm life did nothing to encourage a more positive viewpoint.

By the time the church exploded and the dorm essentially closed down 30 years later, there was a plethera of single women, most in their 40's and 50's, and none with any desire to change their status.

Some of these women will never marry because that is God's will, but some of them will never marry because they have decided they don't need a man, and do not understand the very purpose for which they were created. They have never been taught these things (I never was), and have, in fact, been taught that they can serve the Lord much better as a single. (Seed on good ground brought forth fruit, some thirty some sixty, some an hundredfold... singles bring forth the hundredfold, but couples can only do sixty, and those poor idiots with children, only produce thirtyfold in fruit to the Lord)

Where do we get such ideas?

Try I Cor. 7



34 There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.

35 And this I speak for your own profit; not that I may cast a snare upon you, but for that which is comely, and that ye may attend upon the Lord without distraction.



i.e. The distraction of a wife and children or husband and children, as the case may be. It is right there in the Bible. Family is bad, a distraction from serving the Lord. Paul said so. How many children have been lost from the family of God because preacher dad wanted to prove that he did not care for the things of the world and would not allow himself to be "distracted" by his children? It's not dad's fault, he was just trying to be like Paul. Unfortunately, the result has been that the very term "preacher's kid" is synonymous with a rebellious spirit and a wild lifestyle.

As for the single women of my church family (I can't speak for others), many of them took this seriously and would not even look for a husband, firmly believing they could not fully serve God if they were married.

Oh, Paul. Did you have any idea how much trouble you were causing with that one little chapter? How many thousands of men and women would hide themselves away from the world and ignore completely the purpose of their creation so that they could "better serve the Lord"? How many "preacher's kids" would be lost to sin because their fathers deemed them a "distraction"?

It is interesting that our whole attitude on marriage comes from I Cor. 7... a chapter written by a man who had no real understanding of marriage and who confesses he is speaking by permission and not by commandment.



6 But I speak this by permission, and not of commandment.
7 For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that.
8 I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, it is good for them if they abide even as I.
9 But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.



There you have it. Marriage is for people who cannot contain themselves.


But that is not what the rest of the Bible says. Should we discount the entire body of scripture on men and women based on one chapter? Man did not ordain marriage. God did. Right from the beginning, from the creation of the first man and the first woman: Before a man had a father and mother, he was told to leave his father and mother and become one flesh with his wife. This union is so important that Paul (the same Paul who wrote 1 Cor 7) later wrote to Timothy (I Tim. 4) that to forbid this union, a person must



1 ...depart from the faith, giving heed to seducing spirits, and doctrines of devils;

2 Speaking lies in hypocrisy; having their conscience seared with a hot iron;

3 Forbidding to marry, ...



"Oh, this scripture doesn't mean you are supposed to get married, just that you shouldn't forbid it."


Really? If marriage is unimportant, why is the language so strong?


Don't get me wrong, there are people, like Paul, whom God has called to be single.  However, before we start thinking that this is the optimal state for a Christian, we need to remember a few things.


First, I Cor. 7 was written in direct response to a question from the church in Corinth... and we don't know what the question was, but we do see unmarried Paul uncomfortably answering questions that concern the physical side of marriage. It makes one wonder if our interpretation of those verses might be different if we knew the original question.


Second, God never does anything without a reason. He could have made us unisex, but he chose to make men and women completely different from each other. On purpose. Intentionally. We don't think alike, yet we are supposed to become one. Why?


Because something happens when those opposites merge. We were not created as whole creatures. Adam was, but when God created Eve, He divided something that was whole. As an individual, I am only half a being in God's eyes. God can use me, but to reach my full potential, I truly do need my other half.


Why? Because only when we are joined together can we produce godly seed. Any male and female can produce seed. But God wants a godly seed. He wants His glory to fill the earth. (See my blog Why Are We Here?) He wants the earth to be filled with people who serve and love him.


After 16 years of marriage, I've noticed something interesting. The differences in David and I are like puzzle pieces coming together. We do not fit, we are not on the same page, we "discuss", we don't fit, we get frustrated, we "discuss"... repeat, repeat, re...HEY! WE FIT! How did that happen? Not only have our differences suddenly come together, but they came together to form something better than what we had before. A clearer picture of what Jesus is forming in our lives.


The process is, at times, excruciating. No wonder the elders were told to have only one wife! Yet, the strength and beauty that is created as each piece is put together cannot be duplicated any other way. As a woman, I can only have half a picture. Other women can help me focus my half of the picture, but only MY man can supply the other half.


Yes, I put "MY" in caps on purpose. To try fitting my pieces with another man's is to try becoming one in thought with another man... I call that spiritual adultery. (see my blog Should Women Be Silent?). The problem with uniting my thoughts with some other man's is that he may not see it the way my husband does. Not only am I fitting with another, but my doing so would then create a wedge between myself and the man God gave me. A clear violation of Matthew 19:6


Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.


What does this say to single women? It says that when they are following another woman's man, and trying to fit their thought patterns to his, they are, in essence, coming between that man and his wife. Also, they are providing for themselves (eating their own bread), subject to no one but themselves (wearing their own apparel), yet proclaiming themselves subject to their pastor, being named as one of his sheep, so that they appear holy and submissive (being called by his name to take away their reproach). (This is dangerous for both single and married women. For example, I was at one time told to obey my pastor, rather than my husband, and a friend was told to leave her husband because, "I can save you, but there's no hope for him." Praise the Lord for His mercy, we both chose to join ourselves to our husbands instead of to another man!) Therefore, back to I Cor. 7



2 Nevertheless, to avoid (spiritual) fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.



Yes, I added the "spiritual". We need to be careful, married or single, not to join our spirits with one to whom we are not married.


Once again, I do understand: some are truly called to be single. God can grant these the grace to follow Him, and not be joined to another, naturally or spiritually. If this is you, then, like Paul, God may have a specific purpose for your life. I only ask that you consider... are you willing to be part of a larger union if that is what God wants for you?


Let your heart be open. Seek the Lord's will. Repent, if your heart is hard and your attitude rebellious. Then... leave it in the Lord's hands. He will provide exactly what you need.



Love in Christ,

Jules

A Godly Woman?

What does it mean to be a woman of God?

So many different demands on my day.  So many different messages.  You need to be a "full" person - have a career, have a hobby, do something for yourself.  Yeah, right.  When, exactly?  Spend time in prayer, reading the Bible, exercising.  You bet.

I am a wife, and helpmeet.  I keep the house, plan the meals for my man (whose dietary needs change on a regular basis), play nurse, update business records, and do finances.

I am a mother.  The peacemaker.  The one who balances the emotional needs of eight different people.  I comfort, solve conflicts, teach, plan lessons, get snacks, make meals, clean up, play nurse some more, and make sure there is a time/place for at least a little exercise while living in a 33 foot RV.

Today, I was awake at 7:00 AM.  It is 10:45 PM when the demands on me are done (until my husband is ready for me to bandage his foot), and I can spend a few minutes doing what I want to do.

Hobby?  Hmmm... I know!  I can crochet while we drive to the next piano tuning appointment.

Bible?  If the morning goes halfway decently, I can incorporate it into the beginning of our homeschool time.  Most of the time, I'm frantically trying to get breakfast, clean up from breakfast, take care of the this and thats, while calling over my shoulder to squabbling children that they need to start their schoolwork.  After which, I'm playing catch up checking their schoolwork, reading instructions to the beginning readers and having them read to me, and, hopefully, getting a little instruction in to my pre-reader while fending off the bored two-year-old who wants to play.  When things finally settle down enough that I can actually do Bible with the kids, David is coming out from his appointment, and we're rushing to the next appointment... where it's time to make lunch, and clean up etc.

Prayer?  We do that on the fly.

Career/self-fulfillment?  You're joking, right?  My career is my children.  The closest thing I get to self-fulfillment is this blog... which you may notice only gets posted once in a while.

Understand, I am not complaining.  Not really. I'm just saying... I don't seem to fit with the examples I've seen held up of "godly" women.

Don't get me wrong.  I love the Elizabeth Eliots.  I truly admire these women who get up at 5:00 AM so that they can have their prayer/Bible time.  I've tried, but I can't.  I'm just too tired.  Does that make me an ungodly woman?  A bad Christian?

Let's see... I go to Proverbs 31, THE chapter on what a  woman should be and do.  Yep, there it is...  Proverbs 31:15  "She rises while it is yet night and"  reads her Bible and prays and... wait a minute, she isn't praying... or studying... or ... you name it.  She "giveth meat to her household..."  The woman is fixing breakfast!  I do that.  Her prayer time must be in another verse.  Let's see...

Vs. 11  "The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her..."  I can vouch for that.  I may not be the best wife ever... but my husband thinks I am.  He knows that I may not do everything right, but I will always be there for him, and I will keep his secrets (as long as I know they are secrets), and I will never knowingly betray him.  I can do this verse.

Vs. 13 "She seeketh wool and flax and worketh willingly with her hands."  I don't know about the wool and flax, but I do work a lot with my hands.  My failure as a Christian woman must be in a later verse.

Vs. 14  "She bringeth her food from afar."  I'm not sure that applies to today... unless the Japanese noodles I picked up at Uwajimaya count.  Or oranges from California, and bananas from wherever they grow bananas. :)

Vs. 15  We covered this.  I feed my family breakfast.

Vs. 16 "She considereth a field and buyeth it.  With the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard."  Well, this verse isn't really a possibility right now, but I do garden whenever I am able.

Vs. 17  "She girdeth her loins with strength, she strengtheneth her arms."  Hey, look, exercising is in the Bible... or at least standing strong and not complaining.  By my interpretation, I am o.k. here.

Vs. 18 ..."her candle goeth not out by night".  Yep, I'm up all hours doing various and sundry tasks.

Vs. 19  Well, we don't usually spin our own material anymore, so I think I can skip this one... at least until we buy a farm and get some sheep.

Vs. 20  "She stretcheth out her hand to the poor, yea, she reacheth out her hands to the needy."  Um, I may be a little short here... does taking stuff to Salvation Army count?

Vs. 21  "She is not afraid of the snow for her household..."  Yes, I make sure my household has proper clothing.

Vs. 23 "Her husband is known in the gates..."  O.K. I can't control that one... except to make sure that my reputation does not tarnish his.

Vs. 26 "She openeth her mouth with wisdom, and in her tongue is the law of kindness."  This one I need to work on... but with the Lord's help, I am working on it.

Vs. 27 "She looketh well to the affairs of her household and eateth not the bread of idleness."

I think this verse says it all.  Yes, I am looking to the affairs of my household to the  best of my ability... and I do not spend much time in idleness.

There it is folks.  I am not perfect.  I do not have time to spend acting "holy", joining women's Bible studies, or various functions.  I don't have hobbies nor a lot of private time.  But I can fulfill much of what I see in Proverbs 31.  That makes me feel a little better.

I think we ladies sometimes need to encourage ourselves with what we are doing, rather than what we are not.

We need to remember:

Vs. 30  "Favor is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but the woman who fears God, she shall be praised."

This is the most important part.  Do you love the Lord?  Do you fear God?  All else will fall into place as long as these two things are covered.

Lift up your heads, mothers.  God does not ask the impossible.  Jesus died to cover our failures.  We can praise him and strengthen our arms with the knowledge of a God who sees our needs and our efforts.  Quit looking at what others say you should do and rest in what the Word of God asks you to do.

Matthew 6:33  "Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you."

What is the kingdom of God?  It is the place where God's will is done.  What is God's will for a woman?  After Proverbs 31, the next place to look is in Titus 2:4-5, where the Bible clearly states what is expected of a woman.  She is to learn to be "sober, love her husband, love her children, be discreet, chaste, a keeper of the home, good, and obedient to her own husband" (not someone else's or another man).  It may sound like a long list, but if taken thought by thought, is it not what we try to do anyway?  Do we not already love our husbands and children? Strive to be sober, discreet, chaste, and good?  If we are not keeping our house, who is?  The most difficult part is sometimes being obedient to our own husbands.  Yet, if we are striving to be one with our husband, obedience is not a chore because we are simply learning to want what he wants, and to line our priorities up with his.  If my goal is the same as my husband's, I am not burdened by obedience, I am simply working together with him as his helpmeet... the cause for which I was created.

What else does the Word of God ask of us?

I Thes. 5:17 "Pray without ceasing." and Philippians 4:6 "Be careful for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known unto God".

Let's face it.  If praying had to be done on our knees without ceasing, we would all starve to death.  Our prayers can be while making dinner and doing the dishes.  Certainly there needs to be a prayer in our heart while planning lessons and working with our children.  Let Jesus be part of everything.  Keep him close to your heart as you do your daily tasks.  He will help you to be that Proverbs 31 woman.

Then, at the end of the day, go to sleep in peace, knowing that, if you were supposed to do it today, He would have helped you to do it.

Let Jesus be your strength, and your peace.  Take one day at a time.  Make sure that the tasks you set for yourself are those He asks of you; not what another places on you.  For He promised that His yoke is easy and His burden is light. (Matt. 11:30)

Take Him at His Word.

May God Bless You All,

Jules

A New Year

Had an interesting conversation today with the cashier at WinCo.  She was very friendly and open, so I dragged myself out of my current shell to say, "May blessings rain down on you this coming year!"

She answered, "And may you not have an umbrella when they come."

I wanted to laugh, but I was too busy choking.  (Think Voddie Baucham, "If you can't say, 'Amen', you ought to say, 'Ouch'!)  This was a HUGE Ouch! moment for me.  An umbrella to block the rain of blessings?  What does that mean?  Somehow, I think this is a big one... and I am guilty.  But, in the spirit of "surely I'm not the only one", I thought I would pass the guilt on. :)

The past 5 years have been a horrible, stormy time in my life.  In the storms swirling all around me, I don't just carry an umbrella, I've got a full, EPA approved, hazmat suit.  Sometimes the storms calm down for a little while, the sun peeks through and the clouds retreat to the horizon.  Do I take off my hat and lift my face to the sun in relief?  Absolutely not!  I see those storm clouds looming, ready at any moment to come swirling back!  I pull my suit tighter around me and check my umbrella for rips.

What does this mean in real life?

It means that my children never hear me laugh.  It means that my husband rarely sees me smile.  It means that no matter who I am with or what I am doing, I am always guarded... always doubtful that anything good will come out of any situation... sure that if I dare enjoy the moment, it will mean that the storms of grief and loss and fear will be that much harder to bear when they sweep in.  No, it is better to remain unhappy all the time, than to enjoy the ups when they come.

I don't actually think through all of this, you understand, but looking back at my life over this past year, this is how I think.

And yet....

"May you NOT have an umbrella when the rain of blessings come."

The umbrella of fear and unbelief; of doubt and self-preservation; of past loss and grief.

I came home from the store, opened my mom's devotional for December 31st, (Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest ... you may have heard of it.) and found another interesting statement:

Ecc. 3:15 (I had to look it up, he only quoted the last line)

"That which hath been is now; and that which is to be hath already been; and God requireth that which is past."

What does that mean?  You can check out the context if you like, it didn't help me much.  The verse seems to stand by itself among the other verses.

God REQUIRES that which is past.  He's not just God of the past.  He doesn't just cover our past.  He wants us to give ... GIVE Him that which is past.  Completely. Totally.  We do not get it back.

He is not suggesting.  He is not saying, "Well, if you can't handle it, I'll take it."  NO!!!  He REQUIRES our past.  It is a must.  He does not care if you want to hold on to it ... He does not consider whether or not you think you are strong enough to bear it... He does not even weigh whether the things in your past are good or bad, beautiful or ugly, or a mixed bag.  He wants it ALL.

Give it to Him.

Do not hold the disappointment, grief, nor even the joy of the past over your head like an umbrella.  Those things will block the blessings that are to come.

This is a New Year.  It is time to let go of self-preservation and throw myself into the teeth of the storm with only my faith in God as my shield... Faith that covers me when the storms come, yet opens me to the glory of God when the raging sea calms and the showers of blessing come down.

Lord Jesus, please help us to let go of the past things that hold us back.  Let us release them into Your hands and step out unafraid, knowing that You are our shield and our fortress, and that You are able to keep us no matter what comes our way in the future. Thank-You for Your love and Your mercy, and, most of all, Your patience.  Amen.

Now...

"...Forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, (let us) press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus."  Phil. 3:13

May God rain blessings on you all this coming year... and may you not have an umbrella when they come.

Jules

Why Are We Here?

Okay...so, God spent an enormous amount of thought and energy creating the earth and everything around us. His crowning achievement being the creation of man, whom he then put in the garden to "dress it and keep it" (take care of it). Jump down to today...when the prevailing Christian thought is that God went through all that effort just to take man off the planet and go somewhere else with him.


Think about it: Christians spend their entire lives talking about when they can leave earth and "go to heaven and live with Jesus forever".


But that's not why the Bible says man was created. Read it!


Genesis 1:26


26 And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth.


And Genesis 2:15


15 And the Lord God took the man, and put him into the garden of Eden to dress it and to keep it.


God created this beautiful planet, with its marvelous diversity of creatures, put man in charge of it all...because he wants man somewhere else. I'm just saying...


Here's another one... in Malachi, God is remonstrating with the children of Israel, and He actually tells them why He wants not just men and women - but also why He wants them to become one...


Malachi 2:15


15 And did not he make one? Yet had he the residue of the spirit. And wherefore one? That he might seek a godly seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth.


A godly seed, children that will serve Him. God not only wants mankind to take care of the place and its creatures, but He also wants him to produce seed. Seed. Now that's an interesting word. What do you do with seed? You plant it.
After which it must be watered, fed, and protected, at which point it produces fruit and, hopefully, more seed... which is again planted. Each planting bringing yet a bigger harvest. Oh, I almost forgot, God's first commandment:


Genesis 1:28


28 And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.


Everything I find out about God's will for humanity shows man being a part of the life on this world that God created. Filling it, controlling the creatures, taking care of the environment. I don't find anything about God's will being to get man off the planet as quickly as possible so that man can "live with God".


And yet...


Numbers 14:21


21 But as truly as I live, all the earth shall be filled with the glory of the Lord.

Not all the heaven...all the earth.


Could it be that God actually loves this earth He created?


I looked it up. I could not find those actual words, but I found many scriptures stating again and again that "the earth is the Lord's". Not, as some people imply, the devil's.


I also found a very interesting verse that I had not seen before:


Isaiah 45:18


18 For thus saith the Lord that created the heavens; God himself that formed the earth and made it; he hath established it, he created it not in vain, he formed it to be inhabited: I am the Lord; and there is none else.




WOW! God not only created man to take care of the earth, but He created the earth to be inhabited. With people. "Not in vain"... that means He did it for a reason. Somehow I cannot believe it was just to find people good enough to take off of it.


Here's a thought: Instead of treating our tenure on this planet as something we have to "endure", why not go to live with Jesus, forever, just like we planned.


Right here.


Right now.


On earth... in our homes, on our jobs, with our children, our friends, our neighbors, and, of course, our spouses.


How much faster could "all the earth be filled with the glory of the Lord" if we started spreading it - instead of sitting on our hands waiting for it?


Just a thought....


Julie

God, Are You There?

I was strong.
I moved freely and ate well with many others of my kind.

But...

I was restless because I seemed to be in a one-dimensional plane and unable to grow.  I explored every corner of my world, but could find no way to break free.  It was a good world, I tried to be content and pretend that I could not feel the other dimensions around me.

Then... all hell broke loose.  My world was destroyed.  My people split apart.  I was separated from the others.  Layer by layer, I became more and more isolated.  The harder I struggled, the tighter the walls of separation closed around me.

Everything that made me - ME - has been ripped apart.  What people see is a hardened shell.  Inside, all that is left is a broken, worthless, gooey mess of nothing.

"But God," my heart cries, "I was something; I was YOUR CHILD!  You loved me... Even now I KNOW you loved me ... once.  But YOU have destroyed me.  You left me.  I am no longer even recognizable as belonging to you.  I am an isolated, worthless, gooey mess of nothing inside."


This morning, I heard an almost silent whisper of an answer:  "A gooey mess of nothing inside a hard shell - but still alive... hmmm... sounds something like what one would find inside of a cocoon."

Stitch by Stitch - Javier Colon - a song of hope and faith.

Blue and black, heart torn out,
You uncover what's beneath my skin
There and back, there's no doubt, your touch is my medicine

I'll be okay, 'cause you heal me...

And I'll give you all my pieces broken
In your hands, there's nothing that you can't fix
My heart is frayed, my scars are open
So put me back together now, stitch by stitch
Put me back together now, stitch by stitch.

What you say, without words, resuscitates what was numb inside
So repair me, every thread of me, 'cause you're bringing me back to life

I'll be okay, 'cause you heal me...

And I'll give you all my pieces broken
In your hands, there's nothing that you can't fix
My heart is frayed, my scars are open
So put me back together now stitch, by stitch

I'm still afraid of falling, somehow it's takin' over me
Don't ever let me let it go...

There and back, there's no doubt, your touch makes me whole again

And I'll give you all my pieces broken
In your hands there's nothing that you can't fix
My heart is frayed, my scars are open
So put me back together now, stitch by stitch
Put me back together now, stitch by stitch
Put me back together now, stitch by stitch

Should Women be Silent?

Recently, I was reminded of something God gave me about three years ago.  It's a subject that people seem to argue over almost as much as they argue over baptism.  The reminder was a friend mourning about losing fellowship with another brother because they disagreed on the subject.  I thought maybe it was time for me to share what God showed me.


The controversy centers around two scriptures in the Bible:
I Corinthians 14:33-35 (Yes, I included 33 on purpose.)


^"33For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace, as in all churches of the saints.

 ³⁴Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience as also saith the law.

 ³⁵And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church."

and I Timothy 2:11-12

¹¹Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection.

 ¹²But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence.

The controversy rages between two camps. 

Camp A (No man is going to tell me to shut up!) prefers to toss both scriptures out of the Bible, claiming this was just a reflection of the times and these verses are Paul's opinion, not God's.  My problem with this is that, once you start tossing out/explaining away verses you don't like, where does it stop?  The Word of God becomes just another book and there is no source of truth -- nothing for me to use as a measure between my ideas and God's will.

This being the case, the pendulum swings over to Camp B (Women have been evil since Eve deceived Adam - let's just cut out their voice box entirely.)(Oops! I think they forgot to read 1 Tim. 2:14)  This camp in its extreme form, views women as second-class citizens in the Kingdom of God .  Women, like children, should be "seen but not heard".  The problem with this view is that women prophesy throughout the Bible - with God's evident blessing as well as Paul's. (see Acts 21:8-9)


The thing we should always remember is that God is not random - He does not say anything without a reason.  While He could just be reminding us to let the men speak (face it, ladies, get enough women in a room and the men will never get a word in edgewise!), I think there is a lot more to it than that.  I think these statements have to do with the relationships between men and women and what each was created to do.  We get caught up in our own pride and self-worth and forget that God actually had a plan from the beginning.


Let's start by looking at the context of these verses.  In both cases, Paul is asking for the woman to be in silence in a gathering of people when she is learning.  This is a time of teaching - learning something one did not know before.


There are two aspects to this scenario - learning and teaching.  God has very specific reasons for asking women to be silent in the group setting.  Let us look at the learning aspect.


In the beginning, God ordained that man and woman should become one. (See my post "The Promise".)  While the verse actually reads "one flesh", I believe that it is more than physical.  I believe it includes your mind and soul as well.  When a woman is listening to a man that is not her husband, she needs to remember to whom she is married.  It is not that other man.  Therefore, she is not to try to become "one" with or see eye to eye with that other man. She is supposed to ask her questions of her husband, so that she comes to the same understanding as her husband.  Men and women speak different languages.  Your husband may hear something completely differently than you do.  If you try to line up your beliefs (become one) with the speaker, you may end up with an entirely different conclusion than your husband.  Suddenly, you and your husband are no longer one.  Trying to become one with another man seems dangerously close to committing spiritual adultery.  Better to ask your questions at home.

That answers the learning question.  What about teaching?  "I suffer NOT a woman to teach!"  Gosh, Paul, you're pretty adamant about that.  Don't you know that women were created to teach.  Think about it a minute.  Nearly every human ever born had a woman for his first teacher.  What is a woman supposed to do when her children are grown?  Teach younger women! (Titus 2:3-4) Teaching is not just what we do...it is what we are!  Why, it was a woman who taught you the essentials of life...how to eat...how to walk... how to dress...how to go to the bathroom, for heaven's sake!  How ungrateful of you to suddenly decide we cannot teach!  When you were a child, a woman taught you EVERYTHING.  When you were a child...

Oh.  I see.  When you were a child.  1 Cor. 13:11


¹¹When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.  


Hey!  Your mother is NOT a childish thing.  Ah, but what about Gen. 2:24


 ²⁴Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife...


Once again, a man is supposed to become one with HIS woman - not some other woman.  This is the flip side of asking questions at home.  Also, he is supposed to leave his father and mother... they are no longer his teachers.  Why?  I give you 1 Cor. 11:3


³But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God. 



When a woman teaches a man, or tries to change the understanding of a man, she is reducing him to the status of child, and putting herself between that man and Jesus.  This is a shame.


Wait a minute, am I saying a woman cannot get things from the Lord?  Absolutely not!  Women get things from the Lord throughout the Bible.  Women share things from the Lord within the gatherings.  Women were allowed to both pray and prophecy in the gatherings, as long as their head was covered. (Perhaps, as long as they were in agreement with their husband?)  What they were not allowed to do is teach - or persuade others to their point of view.  That is their husband's department.  (Sisters, if you don't have a husband, you have to find your own path, here.)


Remember wives, you aren't in this alone.  God gave you a husband - a man, not a child - who can share and work with and teach other men.  Just as you can work with and share and teach other women.  If the two of you are one, what God has given one of you, He has given to both of you.  He is the head, you are his heart. Luke 6:45:


A good man out of the good treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is evil: for of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaketh. 

Ladies, work together with your man.  You don't have to do this yourself.  Make sure the treasure he finds in you is good, and he will have double the good things to share with those he meets - as will you.

What is the Sin in the Garden?

Controversy over what the sin in the Garden of Eden was is rampant. I've heard that it was an apple, an attitude, a purely spiritual allegory, a purely natural event, and, of course, the all-time favorite, sex। We could speculate all day over what really happened in that far-off time and place। But while I may not be able to clarify what that horrible sin was, I can tell you what it was not.

The "Sin in the Garden" was not sex.

And I can prove it.

It is not really that hard. All you have to do is read the story. The Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil was put in the midst of the Garden before Eve was ever created. It is first mentioned in the description of the Garden given in Gen. 2:9. The command that Adam was not to eat of it was given in vs. 17. God does not even note that the man needs a help meet until vs. 18. Now, if the sin was something that requires two people, why would the command even be necessary while there was only one? Where does the idea that it was sex even come from?

I don't know exactly where the idea began, but I can tell you who made it popular: It was a Benedictine monk now known as St. Augustine. Augustine was a prime example of why forbidding to marry is called a "seductive doctrine of the devil". (1 Tim. 4:1-3) Put another way, he should have been listening when Paul said, "It is better to marry than to burn." (1 Cor. 7:9). The man had a severe problem with women. Like so many, he blamed the women instead of understanding that he had a God-given drive, one that woman was created to fulfill. He needed a wife, but believing that sex was carnality, he instead fluctuated between secretly visiting the harlots for some relief and pompously declaring himself a celibate monk, too holy to defile himself with a woman. He was a prolific writer, and his angst led him to promote the idea that original sin was Eve seducing Adam - and that every woman since that time is just as bad. When a man can't control himself, it's always the woman's fault.

But before you go blaming poor Augustine, remember that this type of thinking was so common even Jesus had to deal with it. Remember the woman taken in adultery? (John 8:3-10) Where was the man?

The problem with sex being the sin in the Garden is that it blocks us from fulfilling God's first commandment...Gen. 1:28

"²⁸And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth."

It's a little hard to multiply without having sex. The argument? "But they were supposed to be fruitful first!" meaning that they were supposed to (in the tradition I was raised in) reach perfection or complete maturity in the Lord before they multiplied.

I have a couple of problems with this. First of all, I'm married. I didn't make it home from my honeymoon without realizing that God created men to have certain physical needs that are extremely powerful. Think about it - Adam, a healthy man, woke up from a deep sleep, with a beautiful, healthy, naked woman laying beside him, created for the sole purpose of meeting his needs. What would your husband do? We know exactly what Adam did -- it tells us in Gen. 2:24-25.

"²⁴Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

²⁵And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed."

Adam became one flesh with the woman beside him... and it did not occur to either of them to be ashamed.

Next argument? Eve wanted to be "as God - creating life." Really? First, every single living thing God created reproduced itself - that was beastlike - not godlike. Secondly, let's read the scripture. Gen 3:5 says, "For God doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as beasts, recreating yourself." You know as well as I do, that is NOT what it says.

"⁵For God doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods, knowing good and evil.
⁶And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat."

God had a relationship with Adam and Eve in which He actually spoke to them. Often. It appears that it was not unusual for Him to visit them in the Garden. What do you think they were doing while they walked with God? I could be wrong, but I believe God was teaching them what was good, and what was appropriate for their maturity and their ability to understand. Eve was impatient. Instead of learning as God chose to teach her, she was deceived into believing she could have it all NOW, and be wise enough to divide what she learned into good and evil. However, while that subtle serpent told her they would know both good and evil, he never said that they would know the difference. The fact that man is incapable of properly dividing those two qualities is evident in the world around us everyday. (It generally boils down to: if it makes me happy, it's good; if it does not, it's evil.)

The third argument I've heard in support of sex being a sin, is that Adam and Eve's first response to learning good and evil was to cover their nakedness. Think about this for a minute. Here is Adam. Here is Eve. Here is a Garden with only one rule (which they've already violated). What evil was there for them to commit? Think of the 10 Commandments. They had already put themselves before God and violated the first 3 commandments. The fourth concerns the Sabbath Day. (Not enough information). They had no father or mother to dishonor. It would be foolish, having only each other, to kill each other. There was nothing to steal (hey, you took my fig leaf!), no one to commit adultery with, or bear false witness against, and what, exactly were they supposed to covet?. That covers the 10 commandments. What evil is left? Only the evil of hurting each other. The evils that man has concocted in that department are endless. Something that God gave them as a gift to use in fulfillment of his first command (i.e. the sexual drive to multiply) was tainted by the knowledge of how it could be abused. The fact that they could even think of some of those things was so horrible that they felt the need to cover their nakedness. God agreed with them. However, since what they now felt was beastly, God used a beast to cover them. Thus, the first sacrifice was made. Because of man's sin, an innocent life was taken to cover his nakedness.

The final argument I've heard is "Look what the sin produced ... Cain." Gen. 4 shows Adam knowing his wife AFTER the fall; after they were put out of the Garden. So while I'll agree that Cain was a product of their sin, I contend that the sexual act was simply part of being husband and wife.

Why is this subject so important to me? Probably because I have six children. Think about it. If Eve's reason for eating of the fruit was to produce children, what does that say about me, or anyone else who chooses to have children? Is every woman evil because God placed in her heart a longing to produce a child? It was His first commandment. If you believe that sex was the sin, how in the world could you ever enjoy "having relations" with your spouse, knowing that every time you did you were recreating the very thing that destroyed man's relationship with God. (See David's blog, A Total Eclipse of the Heart) God walked with man in the cool of the day before the fall. After the fall, man was not allowed to even look upon His face. (Ex. 33:20 "...there shall no man see me and live.")

"Oh, but sex is only bad before marriage." I contend that marriage is a human and fairly recent construct. In the Old Testament, sex was marriage. Think about Isaac and Rebecca. Gen. 24:63-67

" ⁶³And Isaac went out to meditate in the field at the eventide: and he lifted up his eyes, and saw, and, behold, the camels were coming.

⁶⁴And Rebekah lifted up her eyes, and when she saw Isaac, she lighted off the camel.
⁶⁵For she had said unto the servant, What man is this that walketh in the field to meet us? And the servant had said, It is my master: therefore she took a vail, and covered herself.
⁶⁶And the servant told Isaac all things that he had done.
⁶⁷And Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah's tent, and took Rebekah, and she became his wife; and he loved her: and Isaac was comforted after his mother's death."

This is important. It is the difference between believing that those who truly love the Lord should not marry (see 1 Tim. 4:1-3), and believing that those who truly love the Lord should marry - and produce children (see Gen. 1:28). The two ideas are diametrically opposed to each other.

It is evident throughout the Bible that God wants his people to reproduce and multiply. Not just replace themselves. "But the earth can only support so many people!" Do you honestly believe that the God who created the heavens and the earth does not know how many people it can support? From Genesis to Hebrews the word "multiply" is used 28 times in the context of either a command to produce children or a blessing. This is important to God. And while the pain and danger of childbirth, and the barrenness of women is part of the curse, the command has not changed. It is extremely difficult to produce children without sex. I believe the physical need for it was given by God as a confirmation and a blessing for those who would do His will.

Why is it so necessary? Malachi 2:15 answers that question.

"¹⁵And did not he make one?" (Gen:2:24)"Yet had he the residue of the spirit. And wherefore one? That he might seek a godly seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth."

There are plenty of people out there willing to produce ungodly seed. But God wants a godly seed produced - and to do that he needs men and women who are willing to become one - not just in flesh, but also in spirit- and produce a people for His Name who will fill all the earth with His glory (Num. 14:21). We just have to be willing.