I Do! or Do I?

"As God by creation made two of one, so again by marriage He made one of two."  Thomas Adams

Had an interesting experience at the doctor's office the other day. The doctor looked at us and said, "You guys are amazing.  In all my years of practice, I have never seen a couple go through all the things you've been through and still be together."

What?  Seriously?  People leave their spouses when they're sick?  Trust me, that particular day I was not feeling warm gushies, nor did I feel amazing, but neither had I any thought of leaving.  The doctor has no idea the storms David and I have weathered together, and he expected me to leave him over illness?  On the one hand, I appreciated the compliment.  On the other, I was aghast.

At first, such a statement did not make any sense to me.  However, the more I thought about it, the more I saw why there might be a problem.  Our vows read: "For richer or poorer, for better or worse, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, to death do us part."  The problem is that "in sickness" leads to "for poorer" which, of course, creates "for worse".  Throw in a healthy rival, and we have a perfect soup for sin.  Usually with our friends cheering us on... "You shouldn't have to put up with that!"  or "You've done enough, give yourself a break".

I'm going to let you in on a little secret:  The negatives are included in the vows because negatives happen!  They do.  Know what else?  They are hard.  Yet it is the negatives that build us together and strengthen our bond with one another.

I confess to having little mercy toward many people who choose divorce. Yes, some couples have legitimate problems, but more often these are the excuses I hear (granting that I am not usually privy to any other details):  "We got married because we were friends, but I don't really love him.  I need to find someone who is my 'soul mate'." Sweetheart, it's the friendship that gets you through the tough times. Or there's this excuse: "We just grew apart." Fine, grow back together.  Another one? "I don't have feelings for them anymore."  I've got news for you:  Warm gushies come and go.  Love is a verb... sometimes you have to make it happen.

I'm beginning to wonder if the real problem with many of these couples is that they did not face enough problems.  If they did not have enough times when they had only each other...times when they desperately needed to pull together. David and I were thrown some hurdles our first year that truly cemented us together, for better or for worse.  We were three thousand miles from family and only had each other.  The truth is, choosing to stay together and work things out when you do not want to brings you through your situation with a deeper love, appreciation, and commitment to each other.  Do you really want to have to start all over again with someone else?

I know there are times when you feel like you are just "done".  You want the struggle to be over. You want to just get in your car and drive away... and not come back. Sometimes I feel that way, too.  (I confess to being particularly judgmental during those times..."If I have to do it, so should you.")

Do you know how you get through these times?  You don't allow yourself another option. And you hold with everything you've got to the God before whom you made those vows. In the midst of these trials, remember that God is in control. There is something He wants to build in your life through all the circumstances that come your way.  He takes pleasure in taking the impossible and turning it to His glory.

"There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it." (I Corinthians 10:13)

Here's another one:

"Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ." (Philippians 1:6)


Finally, Galatians 6:

7 Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.

8 For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting.

9 And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.

"Integrity is keeping your commitments after the circumstances under which you made that commitment have changed."  David Jeremiah (Twitter) (Isn't that a cool name?)

What does this look like in real life?  Let me share a story.

A dear sister of mine, (let's call her Lynn, as I'm not sure she wants this publicized), had the circumstances under which she wed change dramatically.  She married a good, solid, hard-working, God-fearing man.  Then, after more than 20 years, something happened to him.  He had an illness that affected his mind as well as his body.  He became less and less able to do the things he needed to do, eventually losing his job, as he was unable to work.  This went on for at least two years, possibly longer.

Lynn had to pick up the pieces and keep things going during this time.  She took on odd jobs, did a lot of house cleaning, etc., encouraged and supported her husband in every way she could.  She had every reason to complain.  Every excuse to say, "Enough, I'm done." She never did.  She set her shoulder to the wheel and kept going.  I never saw her without a cheerful attitude.  Even more amazing, she had begun homeschooling her daughter before all this started.  Her boys had both graduated from a Christian school in the area, and turned out fine.  Her daughter had fallen behind and needed extra help, thus the homeschooling. With all that was happening, Lynn had every reason to give up on homeschooling and send "Gail" back to the Christian school.  She chose not to.  She kept her commitment to her daughter as well as to her husband.

Last summer, things took a turn for the worse, as they received a foreclosure notice on their house. Perfect time to nail her husband's hide to the wall and finally get angry.  Not Lynn.  I was in town at the time.  When I heard the news, I showed up at her door, rolled up my sleeves and said, "What do you want me to do?"

Her answer?  "Nothing.  God is going to take care of us."

Poor Lynn.  She was swimming in "de Nile".  Then her husband had a dream.  I don't remember exactly what it was, but the general message was, "This is almost over.  I am going to heal you."

Three months later, her husband, doing much better, had started up his own business. His business was doing so well, Lynn had to learn to do the billing.  Her husband didn't have time.  He had done the work, but not been paid, when the foreclosure came due.  A generous friend helped them get paid up on their house, and they were able to keep it.

God did take care of them.

What a testimony they now have!  What a bond have they now formed!

How has God taken tragedy and worked it for His Glory!

The best part?  Neither is off by themselves, alone and hurting.  They have each other, and they are more one than ever before.

Dear wife and mother, I know it is hard.  I know you have frustrations.  I know you wish your man would do this, that, or the other thing.  I also know he sometimes feels the same toward you.  But remember our God has a purpose in all of this.  He put you together for a reason.  He plans to bring glory from your union.

Let Him.

Mark 10:

7 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife;

8 And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.

9 What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

God Bless,

Jules

The Elder Brother

Read a post today about a new book coming out.  I don't recall the title, but it was yet another story of a prodigal. Chased from God by unloving religion, this young lady embarked on an incredible journey that led her into the saving grace of Jesus.

What a wonderful story!  Don't we all love to hear those stories?  To weep with the lost and rejoice with the found?

Yet, an almost rebellious question popped into my mind:  Why are the stories always about the prodigals, and never about the elder brother?  Because if that girl was the prodigal, then I am the older brother.

We look at the older brother and we think, "How selfish! Yes, his brother made some bad decisions, but he paid for them with loss and heartache.  Now he's back and all the older brother cares about is not having a party for himself?"  We shake our heads and cluck with self-righteous disapproval.

I'd like to offer a different perspective.

Yes, some older brothers just want a party.  But sometimes there's a deeper issue.  Let me set the scene for you.  Younger brother, let's call him Sam, asks for his inheritance. Father gives it.  Sam goes and starts having the time of his life.  Parties, friends, games, anything he wants... Older brother, call him James, watches in horror.  James knows none of this will bring lasting happiness, but there is a secret part of him that envies Sam and wishes he dared do something like that ... just once.  He doesn't.  Nor does he admit to anyone that secret desire - he quashes it immediately when it rears its ugly head. Good people work.  They don't play until the work is done... and then they keep it dignified.  What Sam is doing is NOT dignified.

Time passes.  The family loses track of Sam.  James, ever faithful, ever obedient, continues to work hard on the family farm.  Nobody pays much attention to James, but they pray every day for Sam, crying out to God that He will bring their boy back to them. James prays too, but that secret part of his heart wishes his parents would notice that they still have one boy.

Then, Praise the Lord!  Sam comes home.  Ragged, skeletal, broken... but home.  The father is thrilled! They kill the fatted calf. They invite all of their friends.  The music plays; the home is filled with joy and laughter.  James wearily trudges home at the end of a long day, ready for a good meal and a hot bath... but what is all this noise?  The servants tell him, "Your brother came home!"

James freezes in his tracks.  The faithful, ignored one.  They are giving a party to Sam.



And they didn't even invite him!



Oh, since he showed up, he's welcome to come inside, but no one thought of him out in the field.  No one sent for him to rejoice.  All his faithfulness means nothing, in the long run.

And if he dares to try to express all those emotions tumbling around inside, he is written off as selfish.


Please understand, my parents never neglected me or made me feel ignored.  I had the best parents on the planet.  But I went to a church school.  Same kids, same teachers for 12 years.  Even if the teachers quit teaching in the school, we still saw them at church. As we grew into our teen years, I watched the "cool" people bending over backwards trying to "save" the teens who were seemingly not interested in God.  I had my own friends, but I kind of wished some of the "cool" people would do some of the cool things with me that they kept doing with the other teens.

I remember our band leader having a "heart-to-heart" with the high school students at the beginning of one school year.  She said something special about every student there, pointing out the things they could do to build each other up in the Lord, some talent they had that could be used of God.  When she came to me, I swear her mind went blank.  "And Julie... well, she's faithful. Always has been, always will be."  I felt like a nice piece of wallpaper.

I kept trying to think of little things I could do, skating the edge of "badness", just so people would notice me as a person.  I told one of my friends I should wear a black strapless dress to my graduation, just to get people's attention.  She thought that was hilarious... I think she would have helped me pick one out... except that she was restrained by the standard I was.  There are some things one just doesn't do in an ultra-conservative setting.

One more story that I hope brings the point home.  When I was in college, something happened that had me devastated...something that probably wouldn't even bother a normal person (before your mind goes to all the horrible things that can happen on a college campus).  I, however, was very upset at the situation.  A lady that I considered my friend noticed I was upset and asked me if I was going to be okay.  I told her I didn't know.  She laughed, and said, "You will be, you always have been before." Then she just walked away.  I stared after her, thinking, "How do you know? What if I'm not?" She never even asked what was wrong.

I'm not complaining.  I was lucky.  In spite of my teenage angst, I really did have good friends and people who cared about me.

So what am I trying to say?  Just this:

Parents, don't neglect the good kids.  The ones who do not cause trouble.  They need to know they are important to you, too.

One of the speakers at the OCEAN conference (Carol Barnier) mentioned this.  She had two ADHD children and one compliant child.  She pointed out that you don't have to give the compliant child as much time as the difficult ones.  I can testify to the truth of that statement.  You don't have to give us as much attention... we really do understand.  Then she said, "But you do have to give them some time." She said that she cut an hour out of her week to spend just with that compliant child... alone.  I wanted to leap out of my seat, throw my arms around her neck and cry, "Thank-you, thank-you, thank-you for understanding!"  It could be half an hour... it could be fifteen minutes... just something to let us know we matter.

In my case, I spent a lot of time folding laundry with my mom.  I knew she appreciated that she didn't have to worry about me.  I knew she would always be there to listen.

However, at these homeschool conferences, on parenting sites, on different blogs, everyone always seems worried about the difficult children.  I just want to point out that, whether you have a prodigal or an older brother, both need your love.  Both need to know you will listen.  And both have an equal need for the Savior.

Remember your quiet child.  Read Lisa Jacobson's How to Get Your Quiet Child to Talk . Give them an extra hug.  Let them know you appreciate not having to worry about them.

Most of all, make sure they know you will listen when they need you.

God Bless,

Jules

Mothers In God's Eyes

What a delightful weekend I've had.  Just spent 2 days at the annual OCEAN Conference. For those unfamiliar with OCEAN it's Oregon Christian Educator's Association Network. (You can find it at OCEANetwork.org - one 'N').  I always love this conference because it reminds me that I'm not alone.

Not alone in having a big family - not alone in wanting a godly family - not alone in my frustrations and fears - not alone in my inadequacy - not alone in my deep need for God in this process - and not alone in the rewards that come from following it.

What a blessing and relief it is to talk to parents who have survived the 14-18 year age range that I am currently entering.  To realize that these people have crazy, seemingly unproductive homeschool days, and yet their children still test, on average, consistently higher than public schools. (I have no idea what the rating is compared to private schools.)

I've listened to mothers confess to homeschooling while their kids are in their pajamas.  I think, "Hah!  At least I make MY kids get dressed!"  We won't mention the fact that while their kids are learning in their pajamas, mine are fully clothed, playing out in the yard because I haven't got it together enough to even start schooling.

I wander through the curriculum hall.  Oh! How I would love to unit study and have art projects to demonstrate our learning -- and look at all the cool Math games that I would love to buy and never get around to playing with my kids.

Forget art!  We're lucky if we get Bible and one other subject done.  My poor 5-year-old is sooooo neglected.  The only reason we do Bible at all is because I make myself do that first.  What kind of mother do I think I am?  What gives me the right to have all these children?  I fail every - single - day.  And the world's voice screams at me that I am a shame to homeschooling, a shame to big families, a shame to Christianity, and a shame to my Lord Jesus Christ Himself.  Who do I think I am?

I am a mother who has a choice.

I can listen to the voices screaming at me that I am just a sinner who deserves to die. That I am the reason birth control was invented.  I can follow those voices into the deep, dark pit of black despair.

Or I can listen to a still, small voice in the quiet of my soul that says, "Yes, actually you are a sinner, and you do fail.  But in the midst of all that, My grace is sufficient for you, for my strength is made perfect in your weakness."  We heard this message again and again at the conference.

The Bible says that children are a gift from God.  I would not even have them if God had not given them to me.  All - six - of - them.  I know barren women that I think would make much better mothers than me... but God gave them to me.  Why?  Heidi St. John says because that's how many it took for me to realize just how much I needed God. (slight re-wording).

Something Todd Wilson said a couple of conferences ago has been working its way down into my spirit.  He was talking to dads.  I don't usually listen to talks to dads.  Every dad does things slightly differently.  My poor husband would be completely overwhelmed if I took everything that every dad does and expected him do them all. (Wives, are you listening?)  However, Todd came up on random play on my computer, and he's funny, so I let the MP3 play.  He made this statement: "If you were to die today, the only one that could replace you as a father is God Himself.  You are plan A.  God is plan B."

Wow.

That goes for mothers, too.  There is no teacher, no coach, no curriculum, no "supernannny", no auntie, nor grandma that can replace what you do for your children. Know what else?  God knew every single one of your faults, inadequacies and failures before He ever gave you those children.  Knowing all that He knows, He chose YOU to be their mother.  YOU are God's perfect plan for your children.  He has matched them up with you perfectly.

Sit with that in your spirit for a minute.

The next time you are tempted to crawl into a hole, remember that God created you, He created your children, and He knows what is best for both of you.

Then go read I Corinthians 12:9

"And He said unto me, 'My grace is sufficient for thee, for my strength is made perfect in weakness."

God Bless,

Jules

Condemnation - NOT!

We have spiders.  And ants.

Funny thing is, both are creatures God likes and tells us to consider.  (Proverbs 6:6-8; 30:28)  Why? Because they do what needs doing, ignoring the distractions around them, and showing no regard for opinions. The ant, always industrious; the spider, immune to rank.  Both quietly working at what God called them to do.  Neither easily tired nor intimidated.

What does this mean to me?

The ant is busy all the time.  The spider works industriously, but when the job is done, she stops scurrying and patiently waits.  Does the ant tell the spider when to spin?  Does the spider tell the ant when to wait?

It is not for me to tell another when to go or when to stay -- when to be busy or when to be still.  Nor is it for another to tell me... although we each think we know what is best for the other.

It is for me rather to be sure that I go when God says, "Go." That I stay when God says, "Stay."  I neither can nor should control what another does or thinks.

Romans 8:1-4

8 There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.

2 For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus hath made me free from the law of sin and death.

3 For what the law could not do, in that it was weak through the flesh, God sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh, and for sin, condemned sin in the flesh:

4 That the righteousness of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.

But I must be sure to walk after the Spirit and not after the flesh.  The flesh is all about the law, condemning all who do not obey the letter of the law.  The contrast between flesh and Spirit is clearly stated in 2 Cor. 3:6

6 Who also hath made us able ministers of the new testament; not of the letter, but of the spirit: for the letter killeth, but the spirit giveth life.

When I walk after the Spirit, I come alive inside.  I am able to take hold on needs around me and accomplish much.

When I allow condemnation into my life, I am crushed into my flesh.  I accomplish little.  More condemnation descends.  It is a vicious cycle.  Soon, I am completely nonfunctional.

Then must I go to my Saviour and repent, "It was never my righteousness, only yours.  Please forgive me for thinking it was my works that saved me or judged me.  It is not.  It is only by your works that I am saved or judged.  And by your works, I am judged righteous, and therefore saved."

Once I grasp this, I understand:  None could condemn Jesus. Therefore none can condemn me.  That includes myself.

Armed now with faith in Christ and acceptance of His sacrifice, I lay aside my condemnation and stand to my feet.  Leaving my past behind, I take up the cross of Christ as my shield and I step forward into a new day, one task at a time.

What I accomplish or don't is irrelevant.  What matters is that I put Jesus first.  He'll cover the rest.

Amazingly, things fall into place, I can function again, and I have peace.

I forget to be broken.  I forget to be worthless.  I forget to be frustrated.  Some things fall into place. Others can be let go.  What gets done is what my Jesus pleases; and if He is pleased, who am I to complain?  Who is another to say, "It is not enough"?

Lord Jesus, help me to always put you first, follow your direction, give you glory when I succeed, and accept your forgiveness when I fail.

My works cannot save me.

Yours can.

Amen.

Why Resurrection Day Matters

Standing in church today, singing about Jesus' death and resurrection, I found a thought creeping across the surface of my mind... a thought that took my breath away:

We didn't get it.

We, the people with whom I was raised.  The people who loved and worshiped the Lord three times a week and taught me to seek the Lord when I needed answers, and put the Word of God at the center of my life...

We missed the entire message of the Jesus story.

Most of the adults came from traditions wherein Jesus was found in a manger or on the cross, and was otherwise unimportant.  Because that was all their churches concentrated on, they were excited to find a people who studied the entire Bible, and they came to belittle both Jesus' birth and death as "religious". The children were taught both events as periphery stories.  We were taught to "take Jesus off the cross and out of the manger."  It was the 33 and a half years in between that was important.

Growing up under this teaching, I came to understand that Jesus' whole life was just proof that we could overcome, in ourselves.  That we, in our own strength, could reach perfection... "if not us, who?  if not now, when?"  All we needed was the Holy Ghost.  The Holy Ghost was the final ingredient needed to make living above sin possible.  It was the one thing the Old Testament saints lacked and what they had to be resurrected to receive...

40 God having provided some better thing for us, that they without us should not be made perfect.

Hebrews 11:40

The "better thing" being, of course, the gift of the Holy Ghost.

This message COMPLETELY missed the point of Jesus' life and death... that's why the cross did not matter to my people.  Jesus came to earth only to prove to us that we could live a sinless life -- shame on you if you did not!  Once Jesus gave us the Holy Ghost, there were no more excuses.  Quit complaining and just do it... after all, Jesus did, and we now had everything He had.  The whole point of His life on earth was to be an example of how we could live a perfect life.

Standing there, singing, I suddenly realized that this was not what Jesus was about at all!

What I saw in the Gospel message hit me like a blow to the solar plexus:

Jesus did not come to show His contempt for us by doing what we would not do... He came to show His love for us by giving up all His strength and glory to do what we could not do.

His death was not for the shedding of the Holy Ghost.  His death was for the remission of sins.

23 For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;

24 Being justified freely by his grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus:

25 Whom God hath set forth to be a propitiation through faith in his blood, to declare his righteousness for the remission of sins that are past, through the forbearance of God;

26 To declare, I say, at this time his righteousness: that he might be just, and the justifier of him which believeth in Jesus.

Romans 3:23-26

Had Jesus chosen, at the last minute, not to die, we could not have been spared.  Mankind would have been doomed.

His death mattered.

It is His death that saves us.  The Holy Ghost is to comfort and guide us, but the Holy Ghost CANNOT save us.  Only the blood of Jesus can.

The Gospel story is not about us getting a tool that we can use to overcome sin in ourselves.  The Gospel story is about Jesus doing it ALL for us.  The Gospel life, then, is about us learning to accept that truth and to hide in it, drawing ever closer to Christ and to His cross and letting Him do the rest.

4 Delight thyself also in the Lord: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.

Psalm 37:4

He doesn't give you what your heart desires (the way I always interpreted this scripture), rather, He gives you the desires your heart is supposed to have.

This is why Jesus gave us the picture of communion - a physical picture of his broken body and shed blood - to keep us coming back again and again to His sacrifice, His righteousness.  To remember that it is His righteousness that covers us, and as we come ever closer to that cross, it is He that justifies us and makes the changes in our heart and our will that draw us ever closer to what He designed us to be.

"The only thing we bring to our salvation is our sin." (Gregg Harris)

And our only job... is to come.

Have We Forgotten Our Roots?

Fourscore minus one years ago*, Bro. William Sowders brought forth on this continent a new work of God, conceived in liberty and dedicated to the proposition that all Christians are created equal.

Now we are engaged in a great Amorite** war testing whether that work or any work so conceived and so dedicated can long endure.

We are met on a great battlefield of that war.

Around us is destruction and chaos and a complete forgetfulness of why this work was begun.

Those brave men who struggled in the early days of this work were dedicated to the knowledge that truth could be found in any denomination, and that the only way for the truth of the Word of God to truly be found was for men of differing Christian opinions to come together and share what they had and where they found it in the Bible.

Because of their dedication, many battles were fought, some even bloody.  Yet, through it all some precious truths were gleaned.

It was at this point that we closed our doors.  We said, "Wow!  It worked! We found something precious! We are now better than everyone else.  We will no longer listen to any teachings but our own.  All others must come to us."

The threshing ceased ('though not all the arguments), as did the battles; but at what cost?  The men of God whom Bro. Sowders called equal brothers under God, we now call Babylon and the beast system.  Not only did we cease to share our treasures so that God's truth could be spread throughout Christendom, but we also refused to hear anything new.  Thus, we quit growing in the Lord.

Our assemblies, once thriving, filled with youth and energy and growth, have become complacent.  Instead of growing, we are fading.  Our youth is leaving.  In many places, the thrill and joy in the Lord has been replaced by blind waiting for the rapture (although we do not call it that).

The hope of our salvation has been replaced by our hope that the end times will finally come. Then the people with whom we refuse to share God's truth outside of our buildings will miraculously come pounding on our doors begging for it.

We quote the scripture, "Many are called but few are chosen" to excuse the dwindling state of our assemblies.  We quote, "The Lord added to the church daily such as should be saved," to excuse hiding inside the walls of our churches and refusing to share the truth with those around us.

We hide our light and do our best to blend in and not make waves under the guise of "letting the Lord shine through our lives".

We say we want to be like the Early Church, but we completely ignore how the Early Church functioned.

The Early Church did not put out a sign and hope people would show up.  Nor did they hide in homes and trust in meeting enough neighbors to grow the work of God.

They preached on the streets, in the synagogues, in the public markets.  They were NEVER silent.

And as people came in, knowing nothing of the scriptures and needing to be taught, they set up elders -  Godly men, not politicians - to teach them.  These men had lives that proclaimed Jesus as Lord.  Their job was to teach and settle disputes.  Not to rule.  Their goal was to help people grow up.  Not to keep them children.

We need to go back to our foundations.  Back to letting Jesus be Lord of our churches and remember that it was not the son who knew his father's will that pleased his father... it was the son who DID his father's will.

Matthew 21:28-31

²⁸ But what think ye? A certain man had two sons; and he came to the first, and said, Son, go work to day in my vineyard.
²⁹ He answered and said, I will not: but afterward he repented, and went.
³⁰ And he came to the second, and said likewise. And he answered and said, I go, sir: and went not.
³¹ Whether of them twain did the will of his father? They say unto him, The first. Jesus saith unto them, Verily I say unto you, That the publicans and the harlots go into the kingdom of God before you.


Interesting, reading that story again, I found I missed something.  It ends with a warning, lest those we despise enter the kingdom of heaven before us...or instead of us.

In short, Bro. Sowders despised no man, in his fellowship or not.  What gives us the right to do so?  It was his inclusion of those we despise that led us to the truths we now treasure.

How many truths/treasures are we missing now that we have cut off those not in our fellowship?  How many "truths" have we twisted because we have not allowed others to challenge them?  How often is our walk with God based solely on what we know, while we ignore (or type and shadow away) what we are asked to do? 

Complacency & pride are a dangerous combination.







*(The date at the beginning of this blog is based on the start up of the Campground at Shepherdsville Hill in 1935.  Bro. Sowders actually had his first campground meeting, from what I understand, in 1914, exactly one hundred years ago this year.  If my dates are incorrect, I apologize.)

** (Amorites were a picture of pride in the Bible.)

Why Do Our Children Leave?

I guess this is appropriate, coming on the heels of my last blog, although I did not plan this.

The fellowship we have been visiting while here in Portland has raised concerns over their children and the choices their children have made as they became adults.  They feel they need to start youth-based, youth directed Bible studies (under the guidance of an experienced, adult couple) because their youth are leaving their church and attending other churches after attaining adulthood.  Let me state, before anything else, that I think the Bible study as they have outlined it is a fantastic idea.  How can our children learn to be adults if we never give them the opportunity to do adult things?

That said, when I look at their reasons for doing this, my heart screams in agony.  I pray to God that He will allow me to voice my heart cry so that others may understand.

First of all, dear, precious people of God, fall on your knees before a merciful God and praise His name in absolute gratitude that your children are still serving Him... no matter what church.  My beloved brothers and sisters, for the most part, are not.  There were 17 of us, from different families, but we grew up together, went to the same church together, learned the same lessons, had the same joys and losses... we were siblings.  Even if some them prefer not to claim me, I will always claim them. Out of the 17,  four are serving the Lord.  Count them.  Four.

Every one of them had the gift of the Holy Ghost.  Every one can quote Bible and most can prove our beliefs from Bible scriptures.  Every one, at some point in time, had a personal experience with God.  And one by one, I watched them leave... because, of the four that are still serving the Lord, only one couple is a part of what is left of our church... and they left and came back.

You see, I am the one that stayed.  At least until the war came and what we had was destroyed.

You may think I am not qualified to speak on this issue because I have not raised any children to adulthood in church.  You are right.  As a parent, I am not qualified.  But as a child who grew up in church, please hear me.

First of all, do not be offended if your adult sons and daughters feel the need to explore.  I was a certified "church angel".  Ask anyone who knew me.  I went to the most wonderful church on the planet (according to me).  We had a pastor that always had something fresh to share, and I wouldn't have traded him for anything.  I still miss him.  Yet, there came a time when I felt that there was something else God wanted to teach me, and I couldn't learn it where I was at.  I needed to see life and the Bible from a new perspective in order to grow.  I needed to leave the place I was in to get that perspective. This is not an insult.  It is part of growing up in the Lord.

Second, creating a bubble for the young people to keep them entertained and interested is how the youth groups we see all around us began.  "The young people need something more, let's create a program just for them, where they can associate with their own age.  Then they'll want to stay."  It works great... until the kids outgrow the bubble, then what?

Thus, the cycle repeats itself.  One of the principles that Household of Faith was founded on is that church needs to be age-integrated.  It is one of the things that make fellowship there such a relief for my family.  Please don't make the mistake of tossing that principle out the window, of making the same mistake as hundreds before you.  (Please don't feel bad, it is a very common mistake.)  The mistake is that you are treating the symptoms, not the problem.  We are buying into the very ideals that are helping to destroy our public schools.  When you segregate children by age, they have only themselves to look to for examples.  Children trying to impress other children rarely produce anything good.  We don't want our children to be raised by children.  This is one of the reasons we homeschool.  We want our children to become adults.

Understand, this is only one woman's perspective, but the main reason I see/had for wanting to go someplace besides where one is raised, is that the people who raised us have a tendency to not let us grow up.  Giving them a Bible study or other such event, while good training, will not help them in this area.  It's like patting them on the head and saying, "You're such a good kid, why don't you come play adult for a while."  Meanwhile the non-supervising adults go back to their concerns; back to ignoring the young people.  Did you hear what I just said?

The young people aren't leaving because you are not providing them enough entertainment.  They are leaving because you are not making them a part of your world.  Don't believe me?  Look around after services, during fellowships, at special events... What do you see?  You see adults talking to adults, and young people talking to young people.  You see adults clustered at one end of the table, little children clustered at the other end, and the young people at a completely separate table.  (I am as guilty here as anyone.)  When was the last time you, as an adult, joined a group of young people and had a conversation with them?  At the time when they should be integrating among you, they are becoming more and more set apart.  Because we adults are living in denial.  In our minds, they are still 10 years old...they can't possibly be sixteen already, they were cutting their teeth just yesterday.  Dave Ramsey calls it the powdered bum syndrome... once you've powdered their bum, you don't want to listen to what they have to say.

Let me illustrate my point.  When I was 18, I was thrilled to be graduating.  I was finally going to be an adult!  I had always preferred adult company.  Graduation meant I finally could join their ranks.  It was my graduation party.  I had the certificate in my hand proclaiming my entrance into adulthood.  MY party!  Where everyone was congratulating me for becoming an adult.  Joyful in my success, I approached a table where two older people were talking and sat down... or started to sit down.  The older woman turned to me and said, rather angrily, "Do you mind?  We're having an adult conversation here."

Are you still wondering why children feel the need to go elsewhere as adults?

One more story, then I'm done.  When I was 28, I came back after being in another state for a year.  I was given a job teaching in the church school under a principal that had not been in the church when I was a child.  She would ask what I thought about certain situations, and when I told her, SHE LISTENED!!!  I was flabergasted.  She actually acted like what I said mattered, and was something to be considered.  I wish I could put you in my heart so you could feel what these two examples did to my emotions.

I would like to say that emotions do not matter, but they do.  God, for whatever reason, made us to be emotional people.  Please don't forget that when raising up young people.

In closing, I want to point out that causing separation will not win your children's hearts.  We need to be looking for ways to bind them to us, if we want them to stay, or even come back for visits.  They need to be integrated into our world, or they will leave, and find their own world.

Teach them well, lay the foundations in their lives, and then make them a part of your life.  Not a distraction, not an obligation, but a real, living, equal value, integral part of your life.

Let them cease to be your children and become your brothers in sisters in the Lord.

God Bless,

Julie Streit