Amarelis

9 Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God. Matthew 5:9

Even when she was little, there was something different about Amarelis.  I taught her when she was in second grade.  Her breathing was labored, even when at rest, but she never complained. Schoolwork was not her strong point, but she kept plugging away. While the other children were trying to get their own way, Amarelis was giving way. When the other children squabbled, Amarelis gently sought for peace. She loved Jesus, and, in quiet ways, His light shone through her, although I did not realize what it was back then.  I have learned to recognize it now...now that I have learned the difference between "being nice" and "being in Christ".  As far as I know, she never lost that.

At my wedding, Amarelis caught my bouquet. The second time...the first time a married woman caught it as I was trying to throw over the heads of the little girls to the single women.  I threw too far and had to try again.  If it had to be a little girl who caught it, I was glad it was Amarelis. Another girl tried to take it from her.  Amarelis, being generous, would have given it up, but I forbade her.  I told her she could give the girl one of the flowers, but she must keep the bouquet.  Her face lit up. I had given her an excuse to say no.

At her graduation, she shone as a lovely young woman who still loved the Lord and touched the hearts of those around her.

I saw her again this last May.  On accident - or by design?  The Lord had been teaching me just that morning about grace...and about the fact that HE is the author, and finisher of our salvation.  It is not all on our shoulders, but it is on His.  We can't do it, but He can.  

I had gone to lunch at Red Robins, and coincidentally, was finishing my meal just as Amarelis was finishing her shift. Amarelis was one of the casualties of our church war. She still loved the Lord, but was wandering. Even though she was not going to church, her smile was as sweet as ever.  When I told her the Lord had shown me something that morning, her eyes lit up, and she was eager to hear.  I told her about grace...that the Lord still loved her, and that He would and could complete her salvation.  I did not know why it was so important, but I felt I HAD to tell her.  Now I know why. God sent me to Red Robins just to tell Amarelis that He loves her.

I have no way of knowing what path she followed once she left that day, but I hope it was one that led her to Jesus who loves her. I pray that, as her laboring lungs finally gave up, she fell into the arms of the Lord she had always loved.  I believe she has.

We love you, Amarelis.

Jules

A Biblical Excuse for Homeschooling

Yes, I called it an excuse.  Because sometimes you feel like you need an excuse. Because the guy at the park is doing everything in his power to convince you your son will not be able to find his place in society if he does not spend enough time immersed in his own age group. This after complementing you on how articulate he is and how well he interacts with his siblings.

The truth is, when you homeschool, the world lands on your shoulders.  Socialization, academics, spiritual life, character, special needs (even "normal" kids sometimes have them) - the responsibility for all of it is on mom's shoulders.  Yes, the mom's...sorry dads, but even a supportive dad is rarely involved enough to shift the blame.  These are the children God gave us, and we moms all feel that if anything goes wrong in any of the above areas, it is because we did something wrong.

It is sooo much easier to shift that blame over to someone else: Let church handle the spiritual life; school handle socialization, academics and special needs.  What a relief! My only responsibility is character, and if something goes wrong I can always blame it on the "wrong" friends.

Seriously, if your only concern is academics, there are some really good schools out there that will keep your child in lock-step with the rest of their age group, teach them to properly diagram a sentence, and have them doing calculus by twelve.  By age sixteen, your children will be perfect cybermen. (Oops! Did I just say that out loud?)

How much do you love your children?  Do you ever take a moment to look down the road at their future and consider what their life will look like in thirty years?  I do...and I am completely terrified. I am terrified that I will dot every i and cross every t, and thirty years from now be raising my grandchildren, who are horribly scarred due to divorce and want nothing to do with God.

I am raising my children with my grandchildren in mind.  In the end, I know that regardless of what I do, it will be God's grace and mercy that saves them from the above fate. However, as Gregg Harris so often says, "Give God something to work with!"

Homeschooling, for me, has very little to do with academics.  If I can give my children a love for books and learning, a basic foundation in math, and a good work ethic, the academics will take care of themselves. I know that sounds sacrilegious to the well-educated out there, but my children will go a lot farther in life with a love for learning than they will with a head stuffed full of facts and a hatred for academics.

Coming off my soapbox now and back to my title...

The conversation I opened with really happened.  I had allowed my children to go ahead of me into a park.  When I followed about five minutes later, this gentleman stopped me. He told me he was very impressed with how William carried himself, how intelligent he was to talk to, and how well he looked after the little ones.  As I was starting to stand a little straighter and feel like I was doing something right, he added, "He says you homeschool. Do you realize how badly he needs to be around boys his age?"

Caught off-guard, I pointed out that my children were learning to interact with all age groups, not just their own.

"That's okay when they're younger, but your older son needs to be around other boys. He will be confused about his place in life if he is not able to work it out in a group of boys his age.  Being around adults will keep him from growing up. He needs his peers to teach him where he stands in society."

I blinked.  This was a new one.  As this man was not a Christian, there was not much I could say to change his mind.

I finally stammered that I would try to get him into a co-op this fall, and made my escape.

His words stayed with me.  I am not nearly as articulate in repeating his argument as he was in presenting it.  The very idea boggled my mind.  I was apparently supposed to throw my son in the middle of a dog pack so he could figure out his place before he joined the dog-eat-dog world outside my doors.  While I knew he was wrong, the mommy guilt was setting in.  Maybe I should work harder to get my sons more interaction.  Would my introvert come out of his shell more if I threw him in with just his age group?  Would my oldest always remain a child if he was not thrown into a dog fight to prove his alpha-dogness?

Oh, wait...I am not raising dogs.  I'm raising men. Men who will one day, Lord willing, become sons of God (John 1:12), and have dominion over the animals - including dogs.

A few days later, I ran across this scripture:

Psalm 144:12-15

12 That our sons may be as plants grown up in their youth; that our daughters may be as corner stones, polished after the similitude of a palace:

13 That our garners may be full, affording all manner of store: that our sheep may bring forth thousands and ten thousands in our streets:

14 That our oxen may be strong to labour; that there be no breaking in, nor going out; that there be no complaining in our streets.

15 Happy is that people, that is in such a case: yea, happy is that people, whose God is the Lord.

What homeschool parent doesn't know verse 12?  But I never connected it with verse 11. I had read the chapter many times; yet I never noticed what David was asking God to do so that "our sons may be as plants grown up in their youth," and "our daughters as cornerstones".  Those happy people "whose God is the Lord" had been delivered from something before those things could happen.  Here is the preface to all of those blessings; the prayer from verse 11:

11 Rid me, and deliver me from the hand of strange children, whose mouth speaketh vanity, and their right hand is a right hand of falsehood:

Blink...blink.

I know the ungodly do not want to accept Bible answers, but I finally had one.  This is why I homeschool.  I may not be able to deliver my children from all the pressures of the sinful world around them, but I can make them harder to reach.  The word "strange" in Bible days did not mean "unusual in a weird way", it meant unknown.  The children of strangers. I cannot know every child in a school, how they are raised, and what their values are.  If I want the Lord to "rid me, and deliver me from the hand of strange children", I cannot throw my children into their midst on a daily basis.  That's like asking God to keep you warm in a snowstorm as you wander outside without a coat.

Proverbs 13:20

20 He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed.

I want my children to be wise. I need to find them companions that are wise.  I need to put a coat on them, as it were. How?

Romans 12:21 has a good answer:

21 Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.

I cannot shirk my responsibility.  But I can turn to the Lord for help, for strength, for patience and for wisdom.  I can use the tools God has given me: His Word, prayer, and other godly families. Sometimes you have to search for these tools, but God will not ask you to do what He will not provide tools to accomplish.  Finally, I can run to the cross of Christ, recognize that He died because I fail. He shed His blood to make up the difference.  It is not just on MY shoulders anymore, if I will get in the yoke with Him and let Him take the lead.

I close with Proverbs 3:5-6

5 Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

6 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

Be encouraged mothers.  Shake off the doubts in your head, the nay-sayings of unbelievers, and the well-meant but unbiblical advice of believers.  Stand firm in the light of the Lord, and, above all, remember this:

Jesus loves your children even more than you do.

God Bless,

Jules

Trust - In What?

When I was a child, Jesus was my friend.  Trusting Him seemed the most natural thing in the world.  I trusted Him as I would my parents... for food, shelter, boo-boos, hurt feelings, etc.  As I grew into adulthood I trusted that He would get me into the right college, find me the right job, the right husband... I trusted that, until the "Great Tribulation" came, Jesus would make everything "work together for (my) good."  I did not expect life to be easy, just manageable.

Eventually, however, I graduated from college and married and began to face real life. Bad things happened, and I could not see them working for my good.  Often we had food and shelter, but just barely. I wondered if Jesus was taking care of us, or if we were squeaking by on our own. I believed that if God were in charge, we would see more abundance.  David kept telling me to trust God, but as time went on, I began asking, "For what?"  Sometimes, there was a touch of bitterness in the question (okay, more often than I care to admit), but often, I sincerely wanted to know.

Trust God to protect my home?  I had two friends whose houses burned down, and another was burgled.

Trust God for our finances?  They took a nose dive and we had to completely re-organize our lives, and sometimes depend on others for help.

Trust God for health?  David's health was always on the edge of something major and we went through several long hospital stays.  Yes, he survived, but my father did not.

Trust God for safety?  I have a dear friend who is blind.  He wrote beautiful songs for the Lord.  He was hit by a truck.  He no longer has control over his body and can communicate just enough to let us know his mind is fine - and he's still writing songs he can no longer share.

It's a serious question.  Because if I trust God for these things, and He doesn't come through, then I think that He has failed me, or left me, or simply does not care.

While these destructive thoughts are whirling around in my brain, I run into a friend I have not seen for years, and she calmly asserts, "You know, God is not really in control, because we have free will." My jaw drops; she leaves before I can answer.

Because I am frozen.  Because, in the midst of all my bitterness and rebellion, I realize that there is one thing I still believe absolutely:


God  Is  In  Control.


I have found an anchor in my swirling world.  One thing that I can still trust God for.


God  Is  In  Control. 


I keep swirling out of control, but I keep coming back to the one thing I cannot doubt.


God  Is  In  Control. 


What does that mean?  If God is in control, then His will is happening in our lives.  What does He want to work in our lives?  Come on, you know the answer.  Say it with me,

Romans 8:28
 "For we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose."

Yep.  We all know that one.  Here's my problem:  I was getting hung up on "the called".  With all the things going on in my life, I seriously questioned whether or not I was one of "the called".  Then a lady I was talking to looked me in the eye and asked, "Do you love God?"  Well, of course!

Oh.  Oh my.  I never even read that line:  To them that love God.  When I quoted the scripture, I actually left that part out.  It makes a difference.

Because here is what God has been teaching me the past six months; here is another anchor, another point of trust:

Two scriptures that go hand in hand... John 14:6

6 Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.

and John 6:44

44 No man can come to me, except the Father which hath sent me draw him:

What do these verses mean?  They mean that you cannot even love God unless both Father and Son agree that you should.  I don't think you can get much more called than that.

Trust God.  He's working all of this for your good.

But... but... but the finances, the illness, the break-downs, the deaths?  Yes, all of that. Even the deaths -- even in death, I have found a third truth in which to anchor my trust.

Colossians 3:3  (My new favorite scripture)

3 For ye are dead, and your life is hid with Christ in God.

All my confusion, all my swirling thoughts, all my doubts and fears stop right here.


Your life is hid with Christ in God.  


With the Son, in the Father.


All things work together to produce that good.  To teach us to hide our life in Christ.  To let His blood cover our sins and failures.  To let His love cover our inadequacies.  To give us a hiding place when we cannot fight anymore.  This is where we are to be.  This is where we find peace in the storm.

Jesus calls to us in John 15:4

4 Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, except it abide in the vine; no more can ye, except ye abide in me.


What more could we want?



Jules

Growing Together - It Takes Two

"You know, Julie, when the Bible says to 'obey your husband', it is not referring to husbands who are not following the Lord."

Really?  Whoopee!  I'm off the hook.  Every time I disagree, I'll just decide my husband is not following the Lord!

I Peter 3:1-2*

3 Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct.

Oops.  There went that excuse. Sigh.

Bombarded on every side by independent, worldly thinking, it is incredibly easy to buy into "Christian" feminism: "Only God has the right to tell me what to do!" (Completely ignoring the above scripture.)

However, experience has taught me that God knew what He was doing when He created men to be the head - and women to be the heart in our "becoming one" experience.

Several years ago, the church I had always attended went through a spiritual war.  My husband quietly quit going.  He never asked me to stop, but the Lord convicted me.  If I was going to truly submit and show the reverence the Bible asks of me, I had to let him take the lead.  I reluctantly told my husband I would not go unless he did.  He sighed as if a deep weight had fallen off his shoulders.

I thought he was wrong.  My family thought he was wrong.  The members of the church thought he was wrong.

A year later, a large group split off that church and formed a home church group.  These people had been so badly abused by the controlling new pastor, that my husband and I saw them as a spiritual ICU.

Following my husband, as painful as I thought it was at the time, had actually spared me an incredible amount of emotional injury.

Bringing it home, when was the last time you asked your husband if there was something you could do to please him?  Something he is reluctant to mention?  Ask him why he feels that way.  You may be surprised by his answer, as I have often been.  Once I know what he is thinking, it is often easier for me to yield...or at least have a direction - a discussion starter.

I could stop here, but it seems this is where everyone stops...at the husband's headship. However, the text does not stop here.  While reminding the ladies that the husband is their head, the following verses remind the gentlemen that their wives, their heart, needs something from them as well.

I Peter 3:7

7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

If I could meddle just a bit more?  Husbands, please understand that your wife is an emotional creature. These emotions keep her soft toward you and your children.  They can also make her vulnerable to hurt and deception; easily lured by her love and desire to show mercy.

Once we left the church of my youth, I was lost.  My husband would have been content to build a wall around our home and never leave; completely willing for us to serve God in isolation.  However, understanding me, he saw that I desperately needed the support of other Christians.  We had no idea where to go, but it was up to him to take the lead.  As I bounced in my emotions from group to group, David was our stabilizer.  He kept us moving until we found a place our family could really fit.

If I were to ask one thing of husbands, it would be that they ask their wives what they need for comfort and strength during the hard times.  Women often hide their hurts, and you will either not know, or think they are just in a bad mood.  Sometimes all they need is a weekly coffee date.  A time when they know you will listen, and not write off their concerns as unimportant.

Why bother?

I Peter 3:7b

...so that your prayers may not be hindered.

Matthew 18:19-20

19 Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. 20 For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.

Is there some struggle in your spirit that you have been enduring silently?  Ask God for wisdom and guidance to bring you agreement on the subject.  It may be easier than you think.

The past seven years have been a difficult journey. It has been made easier because, after talking things through, we found ourselves in agreement on many of the struggles we faced.  Often one of us would feel we should take a certain path and be hesitant to mention it - only to find the other was thinking the same thing.

God gave us a promise that two would become one. Like many of His promises it is a process and requires time and discipline to see it fulfilled.

Hebrews 12:11

11 For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

We, as men and women, have been created completely differently.  It is God's delight to take our differences and weave them into a cohesive whole.  The fruit is worth the growing pains.

God Bless,

Jules




*Normally, I use the King James Version.  However, in this case the ESV states things a bit more clearly.  How can you have a conversation without a word?

I Do! or Do I?

"As God by creation made two of one, so again by marriage He made one of two."  Thomas Adams

Had an interesting experience at the doctor's office the other day. The doctor looked at us and said, "You guys are amazing.  In all my years of practice, I have never seen a couple go through all the things you've been through and still be together."

What?  Seriously?  People leave their spouses when they're sick?  Trust me, that particular day I was not feeling warm gushies, nor did I feel amazing, but neither had I any thought of leaving.  The doctor has no idea the storms David and I have weathered together, and he expected me to leave him over illness?  On the one hand, I appreciated the compliment.  On the other, I was aghast.

At first, such a statement did not make any sense to me.  However, the more I thought about it, the more I saw why there might be a problem.  Our vows read: "For richer or poorer, for better or worse, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, to death do us part."  The problem is that "in sickness" leads to "for poorer" which, of course, creates "for worse".  Throw in a healthy rival, and we have a perfect soup for sin.  Usually with our friends cheering us on... "You shouldn't have to put up with that!"  or "You've done enough, give yourself a break".

I'm going to let you in on a little secret:  The negatives are included in the vows because negatives happen!  They do.  Know what else?  They are hard.  Yet it is the negatives that build us together and strengthen our bond with one another.

I confess to having little mercy toward many people who choose divorce. Yes, some couples have legitimate problems, but more often these are the excuses I hear (granting that I am not usually privy to any other details):  "We got married because we were friends, but I don't really love him.  I need to find someone who is my 'soul mate'." Sweetheart, it's the friendship that gets you through the tough times. Or there's this excuse: "We just grew apart." Fine, grow back together.  Another one? "I don't have feelings for them anymore."  I've got news for you:  Warm gushies come and go.  Love is a verb... sometimes you have to make it happen.

I'm beginning to wonder if the real problem with many of these couples is that they did not face enough problems.  If they did not have enough times when they had only each other...times when they desperately needed to pull together. David and I were thrown some hurdles our first year that truly cemented us together, for better or for worse.  We were three thousand miles from family and only had each other.  The truth is, choosing to stay together and work things out when you do not want to brings you through your situation with a deeper love, appreciation, and commitment to each other.  Do you really want to have to start all over again with someone else?

I know there are times when you feel like you are just "done".  You want the struggle to be over. You want to just get in your car and drive away... and not come back. Sometimes I feel that way, too.  (I confess to being particularly judgmental during those times..."If I have to do it, so should you.")

Do you know how you get through these times?  You don't allow yourself another option. And you hold with everything you've got to the God before whom you made those vows. In the midst of these trials, remember that God is in control. There is something He wants to build in your life through all the circumstances that come your way.  He takes pleasure in taking the impossible and turning it to His glory.

"There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it." (I Corinthians 10:13)

Here's another one:

"Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ." (Philippians 1:6)


Finally, Galatians 6:

7 Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.

8 For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting.

9 And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.

"Integrity is keeping your commitments after the circumstances under which you made that commitment have changed."  David Jeremiah (Twitter) (Isn't that a cool name?)

What does this look like in real life?  Let me share a story.

A dear sister of mine, (let's call her Lynn, as I'm not sure she wants this publicized), had the circumstances under which she wed change dramatically.  She married a good, solid, hard-working, God-fearing man.  Then, after more than 20 years, something happened to him.  He had an illness that affected his mind as well as his body.  He became less and less able to do the things he needed to do, eventually losing his job, as he was unable to work.  This went on for at least two years, possibly longer.

Lynn had to pick up the pieces and keep things going during this time.  She took on odd jobs, did a lot of house cleaning, etc., encouraged and supported her husband in every way she could.  She had every reason to complain.  Every excuse to say, "Enough, I'm done." She never did.  She set her shoulder to the wheel and kept going.  I never saw her without a cheerful attitude.  Even more amazing, she had begun homeschooling her daughter before all this started.  Her boys had both graduated from a Christian school in the area, and turned out fine.  Her daughter had fallen behind and needed extra help, thus the homeschooling. With all that was happening, Lynn had every reason to give up on homeschooling and send "Gail" back to the Christian school.  She chose not to.  She kept her commitment to her daughter as well as to her husband.

Last summer, things took a turn for the worse, as they received a foreclosure notice on their house. Perfect time to nail her husband's hide to the wall and finally get angry.  Not Lynn.  I was in town at the time.  When I heard the news, I showed up at her door, rolled up my sleeves and said, "What do you want me to do?"

Her answer?  "Nothing.  God is going to take care of us."

Poor Lynn.  She was swimming in "de Nile".  Then her husband had a dream.  I don't remember exactly what it was, but the general message was, "This is almost over.  I am going to heal you."

Three months later, her husband, doing much better, had started up his own business. His business was doing so well, Lynn had to learn to do the billing.  Her husband didn't have time.  He had done the work, but not been paid, when the foreclosure came due.  A generous friend helped them get paid up on their house, and they were able to keep it.

God did take care of them.

What a testimony they now have!  What a bond have they now formed!

How has God taken tragedy and worked it for His Glory!

The best part?  Neither is off by themselves, alone and hurting.  They have each other, and they are more one than ever before.

Dear wife and mother, I know it is hard.  I know you have frustrations.  I know you wish your man would do this, that, or the other thing.  I also know he sometimes feels the same toward you.  But remember our God has a purpose in all of this.  He put you together for a reason.  He plans to bring glory from your union.

Let Him.

Mark 10:

7 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife;

8 And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.

9 What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

God Bless,

Jules

The Elder Brother

Read a post today about a new book coming out.  I don't recall the title, but it was yet another story of a prodigal. Chased from God by unloving religion, this young lady embarked on an incredible journey that led her into the saving grace of Jesus.

What a wonderful story!  Don't we all love to hear those stories?  To weep with the lost and rejoice with the found?

Yet, an almost rebellious question popped into my mind:  Why are the stories always about the prodigals, and never about the elder brother?  Because if that girl was the prodigal, then I am the older brother.

We look at the older brother and we think, "How selfish! Yes, his brother made some bad decisions, but he paid for them with loss and heartache.  Now he's back and all the older brother cares about is not having a party for himself?"  We shake our heads and cluck with self-righteous disapproval.

I'd like to offer a different perspective.

Yes, some older brothers just want a party.  But sometimes there's a deeper issue.  Let me set the scene for you.  Younger brother, let's call him Sam, asks for his inheritance. Father gives it.  Sam goes and starts having the time of his life.  Parties, friends, games, anything he wants... Older brother, call him James, watches in horror.  James knows none of this will bring lasting happiness, but there is a secret part of him that envies Sam and wishes he dared do something like that ... just once.  He doesn't.  Nor does he admit to anyone that secret desire - he quashes it immediately when it rears its ugly head. Good people work.  They don't play until the work is done... and then they keep it dignified.  What Sam is doing is NOT dignified.

Time passes.  The family loses track of Sam.  James, ever faithful, ever obedient, continues to work hard on the family farm.  Nobody pays much attention to James, but they pray every day for Sam, crying out to God that He will bring their boy back to them. James prays too, but that secret part of his heart wishes his parents would notice that they still have one boy.

Then, Praise the Lord!  Sam comes home.  Ragged, skeletal, broken... but home.  The father is thrilled! They kill the fatted calf. They invite all of their friends.  The music plays; the home is filled with joy and laughter.  James wearily trudges home at the end of a long day, ready for a good meal and a hot bath... but what is all this noise?  The servants tell him, "Your brother came home!"

James freezes in his tracks.  The faithful, ignored one.  They are giving a party to Sam.



And they didn't even invite him!



Oh, since he showed up, he's welcome to come inside, but no one thought of him out in the field.  No one sent for him to rejoice.  All his faithfulness means nothing, in the long run.

And if he dares to try to express all those emotions tumbling around inside, he is written off as selfish.


Please understand, my parents never neglected me or made me feel ignored.  I had the best parents on the planet.  But I went to a church school.  Same kids, same teachers for 12 years.  Even if the teachers quit teaching in the school, we still saw them at church. As we grew into our teen years, I watched the "cool" people bending over backwards trying to "save" the teens who were seemingly not interested in God.  I had my own friends, but I kind of wished some of the "cool" people would do some of the cool things with me that they kept doing with the other teens.

I remember our band leader having a "heart-to-heart" with the high school students at the beginning of one school year.  She said something special about every student there, pointing out the things they could do to build each other up in the Lord, some talent they had that could be used of God.  When she came to me, I swear her mind went blank.  "And Julie... well, she's faithful. Always has been, always will be."  I felt like a nice piece of wallpaper.

I kept trying to think of little things I could do, skating the edge of "badness", just so people would notice me as a person.  I told one of my friends I should wear a black strapless dress to my graduation, just to get people's attention.  She thought that was hilarious... I think she would have helped me pick one out... except that she was restrained by the standard I was.  There are some things one just doesn't do in an ultra-conservative setting.

One more story that I hope brings the point home.  When I was in college, something happened that had me devastated...something that probably wouldn't even bother a normal person (before your mind goes to all the horrible things that can happen on a college campus).  I, however, was very upset at the situation.  A lady that I considered my friend noticed I was upset and asked me if I was going to be okay.  I told her I didn't know.  She laughed, and said, "You will be, you always have been before." Then she just walked away.  I stared after her, thinking, "How do you know? What if I'm not?" She never even asked what was wrong.

I'm not complaining.  I was lucky.  In spite of my teenage angst, I really did have good friends and people who cared about me.

So what am I trying to say?  Just this:

Parents, don't neglect the good kids.  The ones who do not cause trouble.  They need to know they are important to you, too.

One of the speakers at the OCEAN conference (Carol Barnier) mentioned this.  She had two ADHD children and one compliant child.  She pointed out that you don't have to give the compliant child as much time as the difficult ones.  I can testify to the truth of that statement.  You don't have to give us as much attention... we really do understand.  Then she said, "But you do have to give them some time." She said that she cut an hour out of her week to spend just with that compliant child... alone.  I wanted to leap out of my seat, throw my arms around her neck and cry, "Thank-you, thank-you, thank-you for understanding!"  It could be half an hour... it could be fifteen minutes... just something to let us know we matter.

In my case, I spent a lot of time folding laundry with my mom.  I knew she appreciated that she didn't have to worry about me.  I knew she would always be there to listen.

However, at these homeschool conferences, on parenting sites, on different blogs, everyone always seems worried about the difficult children.  I just want to point out that, whether you have a prodigal or an older brother, both need your love.  Both need to know you will listen.  And both have an equal need for the Savior.

Remember your quiet child.  Read Lisa Jacobson's How to Get Your Quiet Child to Talk . Give them an extra hug.  Let them know you appreciate not having to worry about them.

Most of all, make sure they know you will listen when they need you.

God Bless,

Jules

Mothers In God's Eyes

What a delightful weekend I've had.  Just spent 2 days at the annual OCEAN Conference. For those unfamiliar with OCEAN it's Oregon Christian Educator's Association Network. (You can find it at OCEANetwork.org - one 'N').  I always love this conference because it reminds me that I'm not alone.

Not alone in having a big family - not alone in wanting a godly family - not alone in my frustrations and fears - not alone in my inadequacy - not alone in my deep need for God in this process - and not alone in the rewards that come from following it.

What a blessing and relief it is to talk to parents who have survived the 14-18 year age range that I am currently entering.  To realize that these people have crazy, seemingly unproductive homeschool days, and yet their children still test, on average, consistently higher than public schools. (I have no idea what the rating is compared to private schools.)

I've listened to mothers confess to homeschooling while their kids are in their pajamas.  I think, "Hah!  At least I make MY kids get dressed!"  We won't mention the fact that while their kids are learning in their pajamas, mine are fully clothed, playing out in the yard because I haven't got it together enough to even start schooling.

I wander through the curriculum hall.  Oh! How I would love to unit study and have art projects to demonstrate our learning -- and look at all the cool Math games that I would love to buy and never get around to playing with my kids.

Forget art!  We're lucky if we get Bible and one other subject done.  My poor 5-year-old is sooooo neglected.  The only reason we do Bible at all is because I make myself do that first.  What kind of mother do I think I am?  What gives me the right to have all these children?  I fail every - single - day.  And the world's voice screams at me that I am a shame to homeschooling, a shame to big families, a shame to Christianity, and a shame to my Lord Jesus Christ Himself.  Who do I think I am?

I am a mother who has a choice.

I can listen to the voices screaming at me that I am just a sinner who deserves to die. That I am the reason birth control was invented.  I can follow those voices into the deep, dark pit of black despair.

Or I can listen to a still, small voice in the quiet of my soul that says, "Yes, actually you are a sinner, and you do fail.  But in the midst of all that, My grace is sufficient for you, for my strength is made perfect in your weakness."  We heard this message again and again at the conference.

The Bible says that children are a gift from God.  I would not even have them if God had not given them to me.  All - six - of - them.  I know barren women that I think would make much better mothers than me... but God gave them to me.  Why?  Heidi St. John says because that's how many it took for me to realize just how much I needed God. (slight re-wording).

Something Todd Wilson said a couple of conferences ago has been working its way down into my spirit.  He was talking to dads.  I don't usually listen to talks to dads.  Every dad does things slightly differently.  My poor husband would be completely overwhelmed if I took everything that every dad does and expected him do them all. (Wives, are you listening?)  However, Todd came up on random play on my computer, and he's funny, so I let the MP3 play.  He made this statement: "If you were to die today, the only one that could replace you as a father is God Himself.  You are plan A.  God is plan B."

Wow.

That goes for mothers, too.  There is no teacher, no coach, no curriculum, no "supernannny", no auntie, nor grandma that can replace what you do for your children. Know what else?  God knew every single one of your faults, inadequacies and failures before He ever gave you those children.  Knowing all that He knows, He chose YOU to be their mother.  YOU are God's perfect plan for your children.  He has matched them up with you perfectly.

Sit with that in your spirit for a minute.

The next time you are tempted to crawl into a hole, remember that God created you, He created your children, and He knows what is best for both of you.

Then go read I Corinthians 12:9

"And He said unto me, 'My grace is sufficient for thee, for my strength is made perfect in weakness."

God Bless,

Jules