Being Broken

"Jesus adopts all the messy people and all the broken people and all the imperfect people into His tree and His story and His heart, and He gives you His family name and His absolute happy perfectness and He makes you alive and fully free."
Ann Voscamp


Thank-you, thank-you, thank-you, Jesus.  Because I am messy and I am broken, and I am imperfect and that fact has never been made more clear than it was three weeks ago.

So...It's been a rough three weeks.  But, as often happens, the rough times are accompanied by some deep lessons.  I would like to share mine with you, if I can get my thoughts to translate coherently.

This particular lesson began when I picked up a book called Engaging Today's Prodigal by Carol Barnier.  I picked it up out of sheer curiosity.  (Okay, call it what it is - I'm nosy.) It was not supposed to be about me! I do not consider myself a prodigal - although there are some who might - yet, I keep running into sections that speak to me - or to my circumstances.

Six weeks ago, when I first read the book, I laughed a bit at the first section.  Then I found myself getting angry, but did not really know why.  Carol claims that it is a myth that perfect parenting produces perfect children, and then wonders where we got that idea.  I can tell her where we got it: We got it from books like To Train Up A Child by Michael & Debi Pearl.  Michael and Debi raised five wonderful children who gave them nothing but joy and are now happily serving the Lord and raising perfectly wonderful children of their own. Their method makes a lot of sense, and seems to work well... if only I could follow it.  But I have not the resources of Michael, the energy of Debi, nor the consistent temperament needed to keep up with it all.  Let's face it, I do not train my children as well as I'd like - I'm too busy trying to survive them.

Where else did we get the idea that perfect parenting makes perfect children?  We got it from walking into a church full of happily homeschooled, perfect children.  I am sure their parents would say they are not perfect, but I have never seen children like these.  I'm serious.  Every child there is respectful, obedient, courteous, willing to work, always looking out for the little ones, kind to each other, and, above all, they never, ever fight. My son came up to me, wide-eyed after our first visit, and said, "Mom, the teenagers here are nice!"

Obviously, Mrs. Barnier just hadn't met the right parents yet.

Fast forward three weeks: An event occurred that reminded me just how much of a failure I really am. In the chaos of the moment, I was not paying attention, and nearly lost my three-year-old.  It was my fault.  I have no excuses.  By the grace of God, my son was safe and unharmed, but the enormity of my mistake and the "what might have happened's" continue to plague me.

This weekend, there was another incident - just a little one. My children were playing happily, although a bit loudly while my husband was tuning a  church piano.  David sent me a text to let me know that the customer was getting upset with the noise.  It was the matter of a minute to settle them down on a quieter game, but the incident completely unnerved me.  It seemed that even when my children were being good, they were bad, and it was all my fault.  They are never good enough, because I am not good enough.  How many more mistakes will I make before I ruin them entirely?

We have spent a year in the church with the perfect families, trying to figure out how they do that. What are those parents doing that I am not?  How do they get children that well-behaved?  I am as clueless now as I was a year ago. And my time has run out.  Our life is taking yet another turn and we will no longer be able to make the trip, but must go somewhere closer to home.

Weeping over my guilt and failure, I grabbed a book to stop the spiral.  The book happened to be Prodigal, and I opened to the first chapter and began reading,  "Myth: Perfect Parenting Produces Perfect Children." This time, I am not scoffing. I read the chapter. Then I read it again. And again.

I am not a perfect parent.  My children are not perfect children.  I can no more make my children perfect than I can make myself perfect.  But Carol points out that there was once a perfect parent, who perfectly raised two children who should have been perfect.  They lived in a perfect place and had only one rule. It should have been easy for them to obey.  But they still sinned.  Adam and Eve were God's children, and the consequences of their sin impacted the entire human race.

As I read and re-read the chapter, a peace began to steal into my heart that was as absurd as my earlier anger had been. Maybe I can be forgiven for not being a perfect parent.  Because, perfect parent or not, model children or hooligans, in the end, they all become adults who have to make their own choices.  In the end, there is only one Saviour - and it is not me.  Yes, I must keep trying, but I must also do with my children as I do with my own soul. I must take them to the cross and leave them there.  Jesus gave me these children knowing exactly what my weaknesses are.  It is time for me to trust Him to make up the difference.

Calmer, I take my changing circumstances, and, instead of fighting them, I shine the light of Romans 8:28 on them. Because this new path is not the one I want to take and it is breaking my heart.  I love the people I am leaving, and I do not know when I will see them again.  Normally, I would take a nose dive into the Slough of Despond.  But when I forced myself to examine my loss from the perspective that God is working these things for my good, something changed in my heart. I could see that these people I love taught me an important lesson: they taught me about grace.  Now it is time to learn the next lesson.  I may not know exactly what it is, but I know it will be equally important.

Then, a dear friend, who knows my circumstances, sent me a text: "Read #18, pg. 31 in that book we gave you."  That book is A Gospel Primer by Milton Vincent.  I am on #15, but I dutifully skip ahead to #18...and start laughing.  God has a sense of humor, and tends to plan things out well in advance. Six months ago, I would have rolled my eyes at the passage. Now, because of what God has been teaching me, it not only makes sense, but I find myself beginning to live here:

"...every hardship in my life is allowed by God only because it serves His gospel purposes in me.  When I view my circumstances in this light, I realize that the gospel is not just one piece of good news that fits into my life somewhere among all the bad. I realize instead that the gospel makes genuinely good news out of every other aspect of my life, including my severest trials.  The good news about my trials is that God is forcing them to bow to His gospel purposes and do good to me by improving my character and making me more conformed to the image of Christ."

Timing is everything.  Once again, I see the Master Planner at work. There are things happening now that were set into motion four years ago.  Then, four months ago, a stranger crossed my path.  I thought I would never see her again, but God had other plans.  She chose to become my friend, and, through her, A Gospel Primer was put into my hands so that I would have it now, when I need it. Four months ago, I attended a workshop given by Carol Barnier at the OCEANetwork conference. She gave us a brief teaser about her salvation journey and aroused my curiosity enough that I bought a book I would never have considered otherwise. Yet God knew I needed to hear the message it contains. Or, more properly, several of the messages it contains.

I am once again amazed and humbled by the extremely detailed way God is working in my life.

Yes, I still fail as a mother, nearly every day. Every day I must go to Jesus again and again and ask for His grace, His mercy, and His wisdom. I am so grateful for the reminder in Lamentations 3:

22 It is of the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not.23 They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.

Thank-you, Lord, for forgiving me, even in my lowest places.


May God bless you all and give you peace.


Jules

Unending Love, Amazing Grace

Darkness.  Black, sticky darkness.

That is what I saw inside.  Every 'i' dotted, every 't' crossed, and all I had was darkness in my soul.  A black tar-pit of sin sucking me down. Jesus did not want me.  How could He? He had given me everything - a functional family, a good father, a lovely mother, the perfect church, an incredible pastor - I had all the teachings, all the tools.  Yet inside was nothing but blackness. Despair swallowed me. I had no desire to even try anymore.

Then I read the scripture, I Corinthians 5:10,

10 For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ; that every one may receive the things done in his body, according to that he hath done, whether it be good or bad.

My breath caught in my throat.  I was going to have to stand before Jesus, look into His eyes full of love and disappointment and explain to Him why I had failed.  I would literally rather burn in hell than see the look I imagined in the eyes of the one I loved.  "Let me go. Let me die," I prayed, "Just don't let me see my failure in Jesus' eyes."

I staggered into church that Sunday.  I heard them speaking of grace...a grace I did not deserve and had not earned.  A grace I had surely used up long since.

We were setting out the meal when a dear sister asked me how I was...and all I could do was cry. She grabbed another sister and took me off into a corner to pray and talk.

"What's wrong?"

So I told them.  Told them what I had done, how I had failed my Jesus. How He had given me everything, and yet I was faithless. How He could not possibly want me anymore.  How I wanted the flames to burn out all that I hated inside...only don't make me look into the eyes of Jesus.

"Oh, no!" they said, "He's not like that.  It's not that way at all.  He knows you can't do this.  That is why He came...why He died...He is your righteousness."

Then they began pulling out scriptures: I Corinthians 1:30

But of him are ye in Christ Jesus, who of God is made unto us wisdom, and righteousness, and sanctification, and redemption:

He is become our righteousness...because our own righteousness was only filthy rags.

"Jesus would not give up on you. Have you read this scripture?"

He has made my teeth grind on gravel, and made me cower in ashes; My soul is bereft of peace; I have forgotten what happiness is; so I say, "My endurance has perished; so has my hope from the Lord."

Remember my affliction and my wanderings, the wormwood and the gall!  My soul continually remembers it and is bowed down within me. (Lam. 3:16-20)

Wow.  That described exactly how I was feeling.  Who knew such things were in the Bible?  The sister kept reading,

But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope:

The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. (Lam. 3:21-23)

Wait a minute!  I've read my Bible through many times, and I could swear Lamentations 3 does not say that!  I asked her to read it again,

But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope:

The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end;  they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. 

ESV translation, but the words resonated inside of my soul.  A thin beam of light pierced the shell around my being. Could it be true?  Could His steadfast love still apply to me in the midst of all my unbelief?

I began to study grace; books like Romans and Galatians.

The light began to burn a jagged crack down the side of my shell.  I began to "remember my Creator from the days of my youth".  To remember the days when I was young and Jesus was my friend - often my only friend.  I remembered His faithfulness as a teen, through my college years, when my father died.  All the times He had been with me.

I also remembered that I had thought I was pretty close to perfect.

In my darkness, I thought Jesus had left me.  I know now that was a lie.  Jesus was there, every step of the way.  He had only backed away to allow me to see myself.  Because, until you see the blackness of your own soul, you cannot understand what Jesus has saved you from.  Until you have felt the weight of your own sins and broken under that burden and learn that you cannot bear even your own sins, you will never comprehend the incredible weight that Jesus bore when He took not just your sins, but the sins of the whole world upon His shoulders.  Bore them without adding a single sin of His own and then allowed Himself to be killed for them - not accepting relief.  He carried them all the way to the grave and buried them in His own blood so that we can be free.

The crack widens, and my shell begins to split apart, the light flooding my darkness.  I take the blackness in my hands, and I push it under the flow of that blood.  Not my righteousness, not my efforts, but I claim the righteousness of Jesus.

Then the voices start hammering at me:  "Work out your own salvation with fear and trembling."  I look it up. Philippians 2:12

12 Wherefore, my beloved, as ye have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling.

Yep.  There it is. But, hush, voices. Read the next line, vs. 13

13 For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure.

My salvation is of God, not by my own strength.

Ah, but it says we are to wash our robes and make them white.  Grab the fuller's soap and a washboard and get to work.  No, voices.  Read the whole scripture: Revelation 7:14

14 ... And he said to me, These are they which came out of great tribulation, and have washed their robes, and made them white in the blood of the Lamb.

It is the blood of the Lamb that makes our robes white, not our own efforts.

Then I hear a story.  A story told by one I love dearly.  He had gotten angry, very angry.  He testified that Jesus had gotten so mad at him for getting angry that He had refused to speak to him for almost a week.  My heart bled for my loved one.  "No, no!" I wanted to say, "He's not like that. He is not a human full of sin and wrath, but the perfect Saviour. Slow to anger and of great mercy. Yes, He sometimes lets us stew in our own juices, but not because He is angry."  The time was not right, and I said nothing, but his story ate at my heart as I reviewed again and again the things I had been learning:

"His mercies are new every morning." (Lam. 3:22) Even if He was angry, He would not have held a grudge.

"The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and plenteous in mercy." (Psalm 103:8) The verse uses mercy twice.

"Be ye angry and sin not, let not the sun go down upon your wrath." (Eph. 4:26)  If the Lord expects this of us, does He not live by it Himself?  He is to be our example.

"Beloved, if our heart condemn us, He is greater than our heart and knoweth all things." (I John 3:20) Do you not think the Lord understood your anger and could have compassion?

The story convicted me.  What was the difference between his story and the way I had believed for eight years?

CRACK!!!!

I heard it.  I heard the chains breaking off my soul.  I felt the shell falling away.  I felt wings lifting my soul.

I   WAS  FREE!!!

Not my righteousness, but Christ's.  Not my works, but His grace.  Not because I am worthy or can make myself worthy, but because Jesus is worthy.

My sin does not hold me.  Yes, sometimes I do what I should not.  Yes, I still fail.  But each time I do, I take that sin and shove it under the blood.  And each time, my sin is forgiven.  I feel my heart changing.  I feel my desires changing.  As I look to Jesus, and give all to Jesus again and again, He is doing inside of me what I could never do.

Sometimes every day is a fight, but it is no longer my fight.  I hold to Jesus and let Him do the work.

For the first time, I can say with Paul,

"...for I know whom I have believed, and am persuaded that he is able to keep that which I have committed unto him against that day. (II Tim. 1:12)

God Bless,

Jules

A New Reason For Marriage

"You two amaze me.  I've never seen a couple go through as much as you have and still be together."

The words shocked me.  They came from my husband's doctor.  He had no idea what all we had been through.

Oh.  He was talking about David's health.  My mind flashed back to those terrible days when David had pancreatitis.  He was barely conscious most of the time.  Tubes and iv's hooked up everywhere - including one pumping every drop of digestive juice out of his stomach.  His pancreas was trying to digest itself and the doctors were trying to stop it. For six months we were in and out of the hospital. I spent every non-working moment at his side.  I had watched my father die.  I had no illusions that we might be immune to that fate. During this time, a dear friend came to see me.  She, of course, inquired as to David's health, and I explained as well as I could. Then she asked, "But how is your marriage doing?"

My marriage?

My husband was camped out at death's door.  What did she expect from our marriage right then? My mind could not even grapple with the question at that moment. "Fine," I managed to stammer. I had no idea what she was really asking.  "Well, let's see, the intimacy isn't quite what it used to be...and, you know, he hasn't taken me to dinner lately.  I'm feeling sooo neglected!"  Honestly, what kind of question was that?  I still cannot believe that anyone would be so callous as to leave someone they said they loved dying in a hospital because the ill person was not "doing their part" for the marriage.

Are we really that shallow?

Apparently, the answer is yes.  Lisa Jacobson expressed the same shock in her blog "The Power of Grace To Hold Your Marriage Together".  She had born a daughter with severe health problems and was told, "Most parents who give birth to this kind of child end up in divorce."  Really?  Not in her world! (If you have not read this blog, you should.)

Is it that Americans are too self-absorbed to hold a marriage together?  Or is it that this God-given institution is under direct attack?

"We aren't in love anymore."

"We have nothing in common.  We need a divorce so we can find a relationship that is more fulfilling."

I have seen hobbies destroy relationships as the spouse involved spends more time with the hobby than with the person to whom they have pledged their life.

I have seen young couples ripped apart by disapproving family members who attack every chink they can find in the marital armour.

Then we hear from Heidi St. John that the disease is hitting the blogging community.  In her recent post, "Gird Up! Christian Blogging Moms Under Pressure", she sends out a warning.  Women who have encouraged others in their marriages are suddenly having problems of their own in that same area.

Let's face it: Times are hard.  We see the pressure all around: Financial pressures; social media pressures; illnesses; deaths.  Instead of turning toward each other, couples are retreating into themselves and whatever distraction can keep them occupied and thinking of something besides their real problems.  Frustration builds, communication lags, kindness is forgotten, harsh words become more common... and marriages are falling apart.

What makes the difference?  Why do some couples become stronger while others fracture?

I received an answer the other day from a good friend, quoting her husband,

"You don’t marry because it’ll bring you good times. You marry because it will sustain you during horrible times."

Suddenly, everything fell into place.  Here is the answer...in a nutshell.

Why did I marry David?  Because when my father was dying in the hospital, David was there for me. We were in Missoula, not at home.  David took me to and from the hospital.  When he was around, my worries lifted; my burden eased. I looked at him on the way back to where I was staying one evening and thought, "I can trust him.  This is the man I am going to marry."

My friend's husband hit the nail on the head.  The one thing I knew about my husband before I married him, was that he would be there during the horrible times.

When we start chasing the "good times", it is easy to become discontented with both our lot and our spouse.  When we instead cling to each other, and help each other through the "horrible times", not only are those horrible times made easier, but our relationships are made stronger. We find ourselves more contented with our lot...even if it is not the one we would have chosen.

Thank-you, my friend, for sharing that quote with me.  You reminded me of things I had forgotten.

I think I'll go love on my husband now.

Blessings,

Jules

Amarelis

9 Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God. Matthew 5:9

Even when she was little, there was something different about Amarelis.  I taught her when she was in second grade.  Her breathing was labored, even when at rest, but she never complained. Schoolwork was not her strong point, but she kept plugging away. While the other children were trying to get their own way, Amarelis was giving way. When the other children squabbled, Amarelis gently sought for peace. She loved Jesus, and, in quiet ways, His light shone through her, although I did not realize what it was back then.  I have learned to recognize it now...now that I have learned the difference between "being nice" and "being in Christ".  As far as I know, she never lost that.

At my wedding, Amarelis caught my bouquet. The second time...the first time a married woman caught it as I was trying to throw over the heads of the little girls to the single women.  I threw too far and had to try again.  If it had to be a little girl who caught it, I was glad it was Amarelis. Another girl tried to take it from her.  Amarelis, being generous, would have given it up, but I forbade her.  I told her she could give the girl one of the flowers, but she must keep the bouquet.  Her face lit up. I had given her an excuse to say no.

At her graduation, she shone as a lovely young woman who still loved the Lord and touched the hearts of those around her.

I saw her again this last May.  On accident - or by design?  The Lord had been teaching me just that morning about grace...and about the fact that HE is the author, and finisher of our salvation.  It is not all on our shoulders, but it is on His.  We can't do it, but He can.  

I had gone to lunch at Red Robins, and coincidentally, was finishing my meal just as Amarelis was finishing her shift. Amarelis was one of the casualties of our church war. She still loved the Lord, but was wandering. Even though she was not going to church, her smile was as sweet as ever.  When I told her the Lord had shown me something that morning, her eyes lit up, and she was eager to hear.  I told her about grace...that the Lord still loved her, and that He would and could complete her salvation.  I did not know why it was so important, but I felt I HAD to tell her.  Now I know why. God sent me to Red Robins just to tell Amarelis that He loves her.

I have no way of knowing what path she followed once she left that day, but I hope it was one that led her to Jesus who loves her. I pray that, as her laboring lungs finally gave up, she fell into the arms of the Lord she had always loved.  I believe she has.

We love you, Amarelis.

Jules

A Biblical Excuse for Homeschooling

Yes, I called it an excuse.  Because sometimes you feel like you need an excuse. Because the guy at the park is doing everything in his power to convince you your son will not be able to find his place in society if he does not spend enough time immersed in his own age group. This after complementing you on how articulate he is and how well he interacts with his siblings.

The truth is, when you homeschool, the world lands on your shoulders.  Socialization, academics, spiritual life, character, special needs (even "normal" kids sometimes have them) - the responsibility for all of it is on mom's shoulders.  Yes, the mom's...sorry dads, but even a supportive dad is rarely involved enough to shift the blame.  These are the children God gave us, and we moms all feel that if anything goes wrong in any of the above areas, it is because we did something wrong.

It is sooo much easier to shift that blame over to someone else: Let church handle the spiritual life; school handle socialization, academics and special needs.  What a relief! My only responsibility is character, and if something goes wrong I can always blame it on the "wrong" friends.

Seriously, if your only concern is academics, there are some really good schools out there that will keep your child in lock-step with the rest of their age group, teach them to properly diagram a sentence, and have them doing calculus by twelve.  By age sixteen, your children will be perfect cybermen. (Oops! Did I just say that out loud?)

How much do you love your children?  Do you ever take a moment to look down the road at their future and consider what their life will look like in thirty years?  I do...and I am completely terrified. I am terrified that I will dot every i and cross every t, and thirty years from now be raising my grandchildren, who are horribly scarred due to divorce and want nothing to do with God.

I am raising my children with my grandchildren in mind.  In the end, I know that regardless of what I do, it will be God's grace and mercy that saves them from the above fate. However, as Gregg Harris so often says, "Give God something to work with!"

Homeschooling, for me, has very little to do with academics.  If I can give my children a love for books and learning, a basic foundation in math, and a good work ethic, the academics will take care of themselves. I know that sounds sacrilegious to the well-educated out there, but my children will go a lot farther in life with a love for learning than they will with a head stuffed full of facts and a hatred for academics.

Coming off my soapbox now and back to my title...

The conversation I opened with really happened.  I had allowed my children to go ahead of me into a park.  When I followed about five minutes later, this gentleman stopped me. He told me he was very impressed with how William carried himself, how intelligent he was to talk to, and how well he looked after the little ones.  As I was starting to stand a little straighter and feel like I was doing something right, he added, "He says you homeschool. Do you realize how badly he needs to be around boys his age?"

Caught off-guard, I pointed out that my children were learning to interact with all age groups, not just their own.

"That's okay when they're younger, but your older son needs to be around other boys. He will be confused about his place in life if he is not able to work it out in a group of boys his age.  Being around adults will keep him from growing up. He needs his peers to teach him where he stands in society."

I blinked.  This was a new one.  As this man was not a Christian, there was not much I could say to change his mind.

I finally stammered that I would try to get him into a co-op this fall, and made my escape.

His words stayed with me.  I am not nearly as articulate in repeating his argument as he was in presenting it.  The very idea boggled my mind.  I was apparently supposed to throw my son in the middle of a dog pack so he could figure out his place before he joined the dog-eat-dog world outside my doors.  While I knew he was wrong, the mommy guilt was setting in.  Maybe I should work harder to get my sons more interaction.  Would my introvert come out of his shell more if I threw him in with just his age group?  Would my oldest always remain a child if he was not thrown into a dog fight to prove his alpha-dogness?

Oh, wait...I am not raising dogs.  I'm raising men. Men who will one day, Lord willing, become sons of God (John 1:12), and have dominion over the animals - including dogs.

A few days later, I ran across this scripture:

Psalm 144:12-15

12 That our sons may be as plants grown up in their youth; that our daughters may be as corner stones, polished after the similitude of a palace:

13 That our garners may be full, affording all manner of store: that our sheep may bring forth thousands and ten thousands in our streets:

14 That our oxen may be strong to labour; that there be no breaking in, nor going out; that there be no complaining in our streets.

15 Happy is that people, that is in such a case: yea, happy is that people, whose God is the Lord.

What homeschool parent doesn't know verse 12?  But I never connected it with verse 11. I had read the chapter many times; yet I never noticed what David was asking God to do so that "our sons may be as plants grown up in their youth," and "our daughters as cornerstones".  Those happy people "whose God is the Lord" had been delivered from something before those things could happen.  Here is the preface to all of those blessings; the prayer from verse 11:

11 Rid me, and deliver me from the hand of strange children, whose mouth speaketh vanity, and their right hand is a right hand of falsehood:

Blink...blink.

I know the ungodly do not want to accept Bible answers, but I finally had one.  This is why I homeschool.  I may not be able to deliver my children from all the pressures of the sinful world around them, but I can make them harder to reach.  The word "strange" in Bible days did not mean "unusual in a weird way", it meant unknown.  The children of strangers. I cannot know every child in a school, how they are raised, and what their values are.  If I want the Lord to "rid me, and deliver me from the hand of strange children", I cannot throw my children into their midst on a daily basis.  That's like asking God to keep you warm in a snowstorm as you wander outside without a coat.

Proverbs 13:20

20 He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed.

I want my children to be wise. I need to find them companions that are wise.  I need to put a coat on them, as it were. How?

Romans 12:21 has a good answer:

21 Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.

I cannot shirk my responsibility.  But I can turn to the Lord for help, for strength, for patience and for wisdom.  I can use the tools God has given me: His Word, prayer, and other godly families. Sometimes you have to search for these tools, but God will not ask you to do what He will not provide tools to accomplish.  Finally, I can run to the cross of Christ, recognize that He died because I fail. He shed His blood to make up the difference.  It is not just on MY shoulders anymore, if I will get in the yoke with Him and let Him take the lead.

I close with Proverbs 3:5-6

5 Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

6 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

Be encouraged mothers.  Shake off the doubts in your head, the nay-sayings of unbelievers, and the well-meant but unbiblical advice of believers.  Stand firm in the light of the Lord, and, above all, remember this:

Jesus loves your children even more than you do.

God Bless,

Jules

Trust - In What?

When I was a child, Jesus was my friend.  Trusting Him seemed the most natural thing in the world.  I trusted Him as I would my parents... for food, shelter, boo-boos, hurt feelings, etc.  As I grew into adulthood I trusted that He would get me into the right college, find me the right job, the right husband... I trusted that, until the "Great Tribulation" came, Jesus would make everything "work together for (my) good."  I did not expect life to be easy, just manageable.

Eventually, however, I graduated from college and married and began to face real life. Bad things happened, and I could not see them working for my good.  Often we had food and shelter, but just barely. I wondered if Jesus was taking care of us, or if we were squeaking by on our own. I believed that if God were in charge, we would see more abundance.  David kept telling me to trust God, but as time went on, I began asking, "For what?"  Sometimes, there was a touch of bitterness in the question (okay, more often than I care to admit), but often, I sincerely wanted to know.

Trust God to protect my home?  I had two friends whose houses burned down, and another was burgled.

Trust God for our finances?  They took a nose dive and we had to completely re-organize our lives, and sometimes depend on others for help.

Trust God for health?  David's health was always on the edge of something major and we went through several long hospital stays.  Yes, he survived, but my father did not.

Trust God for safety?  I have a dear friend who is blind.  He wrote beautiful songs for the Lord.  He was hit by a truck.  He no longer has control over his body and can communicate just enough to let us know his mind is fine - and he's still writing songs he can no longer share.

It's a serious question.  Because if I trust God for these things, and He doesn't come through, then I think that He has failed me, or left me, or simply does not care.

While these destructive thoughts are whirling around in my brain, I run into a friend I have not seen for years, and she calmly asserts, "You know, God is not really in control, because we have free will." My jaw drops; she leaves before I can answer.

Because I am frozen.  Because, in the midst of all my bitterness and rebellion, I realize that there is one thing I still believe absolutely:


God  Is  In  Control.


I have found an anchor in my swirling world.  One thing that I can still trust God for.


God  Is  In  Control. 


I keep swirling out of control, but I keep coming back to the one thing I cannot doubt.


God  Is  In  Control. 


What does that mean?  If God is in control, then His will is happening in our lives.  What does He want to work in our lives?  Come on, you know the answer.  Say it with me,

Romans 8:28
 "For we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose."

Yep.  We all know that one.  Here's my problem:  I was getting hung up on "the called".  With all the things going on in my life, I seriously questioned whether or not I was one of "the called".  Then a lady I was talking to looked me in the eye and asked, "Do you love God?"  Well, of course!

Oh.  Oh my.  I never even read that line:  To them that love God.  When I quoted the scripture, I actually left that part out.  It makes a difference.

Because here is what God has been teaching me the past six months; here is another anchor, another point of trust:

Two scriptures that go hand in hand... John 14:6

6 Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.

and John 6:44

44 No man can come to me, except the Father which hath sent me draw him:

What do these verses mean?  They mean that you cannot even love God unless both Father and Son agree that you should.  I don't think you can get much more called than that.

Trust God.  He's working all of this for your good.

But... but... but the finances, the illness, the break-downs, the deaths?  Yes, all of that. Even the deaths -- even in death, I have found a third truth in which to anchor my trust.

Colossians 3:3  (My new favorite scripture)

3 For ye are dead, and your life is hid with Christ in God.

All my confusion, all my swirling thoughts, all my doubts and fears stop right here.


Your life is hid with Christ in God.  


With the Son, in the Father.


All things work together to produce that good.  To teach us to hide our life in Christ.  To let His blood cover our sins and failures.  To let His love cover our inadequacies.  To give us a hiding place when we cannot fight anymore.  This is where we are to be.  This is where we find peace in the storm.

Jesus calls to us in John 15:4

4 Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, except it abide in the vine; no more can ye, except ye abide in me.


What more could we want?



Jules

Growing Together - It Takes Two

"You know, Julie, when the Bible says to 'obey your husband', it is not referring to husbands who are not following the Lord."

Really?  Whoopee!  I'm off the hook.  Every time I disagree, I'll just decide my husband is not following the Lord!

I Peter 3:1-2*

3 Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct.

Oops.  There went that excuse. Sigh.

Bombarded on every side by independent, worldly thinking, it is incredibly easy to buy into "Christian" feminism: "Only God has the right to tell me what to do!" (Completely ignoring the above scripture.)

However, experience has taught me that God knew what He was doing when He created men to be the head - and women to be the heart in our "becoming one" experience.

Several years ago, the church I had always attended went through a spiritual war.  My husband quietly quit going.  He never asked me to stop, but the Lord convicted me.  If I was going to truly submit and show the reverence the Bible asks of me, I had to let him take the lead.  I reluctantly told my husband I would not go unless he did.  He sighed as if a deep weight had fallen off his shoulders.

I thought he was wrong.  My family thought he was wrong.  The members of the church thought he was wrong.

A year later, a large group split off that church and formed a home church group.  These people had been so badly abused by the controlling new pastor, that my husband and I saw them as a spiritual ICU.

Following my husband, as painful as I thought it was at the time, had actually spared me an incredible amount of emotional injury.

Bringing it home, when was the last time you asked your husband if there was something you could do to please him?  Something he is reluctant to mention?  Ask him why he feels that way.  You may be surprised by his answer, as I have often been.  Once I know what he is thinking, it is often easier for me to yield...or at least have a direction - a discussion starter.

I could stop here, but it seems this is where everyone stops...at the husband's headship. However, the text does not stop here.  While reminding the ladies that the husband is their head, the following verses remind the gentlemen that their wives, their heart, needs something from them as well.

I Peter 3:7

7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

If I could meddle just a bit more?  Husbands, please understand that your wife is an emotional creature. These emotions keep her soft toward you and your children.  They can also make her vulnerable to hurt and deception; easily lured by her love and desire to show mercy.

Once we left the church of my youth, I was lost.  My husband would have been content to build a wall around our home and never leave; completely willing for us to serve God in isolation.  However, understanding me, he saw that I desperately needed the support of other Christians.  We had no idea where to go, but it was up to him to take the lead.  As I bounced in my emotions from group to group, David was our stabilizer.  He kept us moving until we found a place our family could really fit.

If I were to ask one thing of husbands, it would be that they ask their wives what they need for comfort and strength during the hard times.  Women often hide their hurts, and you will either not know, or think they are just in a bad mood.  Sometimes all they need is a weekly coffee date.  A time when they know you will listen, and not write off their concerns as unimportant.

Why bother?

I Peter 3:7b

...so that your prayers may not be hindered.

Matthew 18:19-20

19 Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. 20 For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.

Is there some struggle in your spirit that you have been enduring silently?  Ask God for wisdom and guidance to bring you agreement on the subject.  It may be easier than you think.

The past seven years have been a difficult journey. It has been made easier because, after talking things through, we found ourselves in agreement on many of the struggles we faced.  Often one of us would feel we should take a certain path and be hesitant to mention it - only to find the other was thinking the same thing.

God gave us a promise that two would become one. Like many of His promises it is a process and requires time and discipline to see it fulfilled.

Hebrews 12:11

11 For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

We, as men and women, have been created completely differently.  It is God's delight to take our differences and weave them into a cohesive whole.  The fruit is worth the growing pains.

God Bless,

Jules




*Normally, I use the King James Version.  However, in this case the ESV states things a bit more clearly.  How can you have a conversation without a word?

I Do! or Do I?

"As God by creation made two of one, so again by marriage He made one of two."  Thomas Adams

Had an interesting experience at the doctor's office the other day. The doctor looked at us and said, "You guys are amazing.  In all my years of practice, I have never seen a couple go through all the things you've been through and still be together."

What?  Seriously?  People leave their spouses when they're sick?  Trust me, that particular day I was not feeling warm gushies, nor did I feel amazing, but neither had I any thought of leaving.  The doctor has no idea the storms David and I have weathered together, and he expected me to leave him over illness?  On the one hand, I appreciated the compliment.  On the other, I was aghast.

At first, such a statement did not make any sense to me.  However, the more I thought about it, the more I saw why there might be a problem.  Our vows read: "For richer or poorer, for better or worse, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, to death do us part."  The problem is that "in sickness" leads to "for poorer" which, of course, creates "for worse".  Throw in a healthy rival, and we have a perfect soup for sin.  Usually with our friends cheering us on... "You shouldn't have to put up with that!"  or "You've done enough, give yourself a break".

I'm going to let you in on a little secret:  The negatives are included in the vows because negatives happen!  They do.  Know what else?  They are hard.  Yet it is the negatives that build us together and strengthen our bond with one another.

I confess to having little mercy toward many people who choose divorce. Yes, some couples have legitimate problems, but more often these are the excuses I hear (granting that I am not usually privy to any other details):  "We got married because we were friends, but I don't really love him.  I need to find someone who is my 'soul mate'." Sweetheart, it's the friendship that gets you through the tough times. Or there's this excuse: "We just grew apart." Fine, grow back together.  Another one? "I don't have feelings for them anymore."  I've got news for you:  Warm gushies come and go.  Love is a verb... sometimes you have to make it happen.

I'm beginning to wonder if the real problem with many of these couples is that they did not face enough problems.  If they did not have enough times when they had only each other...times when they desperately needed to pull together. David and I were thrown some hurdles our first year that truly cemented us together, for better or for worse.  We were three thousand miles from family and only had each other.  The truth is, choosing to stay together and work things out when you do not want to brings you through your situation with a deeper love, appreciation, and commitment to each other.  Do you really want to have to start all over again with someone else?

I know there are times when you feel like you are just "done".  You want the struggle to be over. You want to just get in your car and drive away... and not come back. Sometimes I feel that way, too.  (I confess to being particularly judgmental during those times..."If I have to do it, so should you.")

Do you know how you get through these times?  You don't allow yourself another option. And you hold with everything you've got to the God before whom you made those vows. In the midst of these trials, remember that God is in control. There is something He wants to build in your life through all the circumstances that come your way.  He takes pleasure in taking the impossible and turning it to His glory.

"There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it." (I Corinthians 10:13)

Here's another one:

"Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ." (Philippians 1:6)


Finally, Galatians 6:

7 Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.

8 For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting.

9 And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.

"Integrity is keeping your commitments after the circumstances under which you made that commitment have changed."  David Jeremiah (Twitter) (Isn't that a cool name?)

What does this look like in real life?  Let me share a story.

A dear sister of mine, (let's call her Lynn, as I'm not sure she wants this publicized), had the circumstances under which she wed change dramatically.  She married a good, solid, hard-working, God-fearing man.  Then, after more than 20 years, something happened to him.  He had an illness that affected his mind as well as his body.  He became less and less able to do the things he needed to do, eventually losing his job, as he was unable to work.  This went on for at least two years, possibly longer.

Lynn had to pick up the pieces and keep things going during this time.  She took on odd jobs, did a lot of house cleaning, etc., encouraged and supported her husband in every way she could.  She had every reason to complain.  Every excuse to say, "Enough, I'm done." She never did.  She set her shoulder to the wheel and kept going.  I never saw her without a cheerful attitude.  Even more amazing, she had begun homeschooling her daughter before all this started.  Her boys had both graduated from a Christian school in the area, and turned out fine.  Her daughter had fallen behind and needed extra help, thus the homeschooling. With all that was happening, Lynn had every reason to give up on homeschooling and send "Gail" back to the Christian school.  She chose not to.  She kept her commitment to her daughter as well as to her husband.

Last summer, things took a turn for the worse, as they received a foreclosure notice on their house. Perfect time to nail her husband's hide to the wall and finally get angry.  Not Lynn.  I was in town at the time.  When I heard the news, I showed up at her door, rolled up my sleeves and said, "What do you want me to do?"

Her answer?  "Nothing.  God is going to take care of us."

Poor Lynn.  She was swimming in "de Nile".  Then her husband had a dream.  I don't remember exactly what it was, but the general message was, "This is almost over.  I am going to heal you."

Three months later, her husband, doing much better, had started up his own business. His business was doing so well, Lynn had to learn to do the billing.  Her husband didn't have time.  He had done the work, but not been paid, when the foreclosure came due.  A generous friend helped them get paid up on their house, and they were able to keep it.

God did take care of them.

What a testimony they now have!  What a bond have they now formed!

How has God taken tragedy and worked it for His Glory!

The best part?  Neither is off by themselves, alone and hurting.  They have each other, and they are more one than ever before.

Dear wife and mother, I know it is hard.  I know you have frustrations.  I know you wish your man would do this, that, or the other thing.  I also know he sometimes feels the same toward you.  But remember our God has a purpose in all of this.  He put you together for a reason.  He plans to bring glory from your union.

Let Him.

Mark 10:

7 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife;

8 And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.

9 What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

God Bless,

Jules

The Elder Brother

Read a post today about a new book coming out.  I don't recall the title, but it was yet another story of a prodigal. Chased from God by unloving religion, this young lady embarked on an incredible journey that led her into the saving grace of Jesus.

What a wonderful story!  Don't we all love to hear those stories?  To weep with the lost and rejoice with the found?

Yet, an almost rebellious question popped into my mind:  Why are the stories always about the prodigals, and never about the elder brother?  Because if that girl was the prodigal, then I am the older brother.

We look at the older brother and we think, "How selfish! Yes, his brother made some bad decisions, but he paid for them with loss and heartache.  Now he's back and all the older brother cares about is not having a party for himself?"  We shake our heads and cluck with self-righteous disapproval.

I'd like to offer a different perspective.

Yes, some older brothers just want a party.  But sometimes there's a deeper issue.  Let me set the scene for you.  Younger brother, let's call him Sam, asks for his inheritance. Father gives it.  Sam goes and starts having the time of his life.  Parties, friends, games, anything he wants... Older brother, call him James, watches in horror.  James knows none of this will bring lasting happiness, but there is a secret part of him that envies Sam and wishes he dared do something like that ... just once.  He doesn't.  Nor does he admit to anyone that secret desire - he quashes it immediately when it rears its ugly head. Good people work.  They don't play until the work is done... and then they keep it dignified.  What Sam is doing is NOT dignified.

Time passes.  The family loses track of Sam.  James, ever faithful, ever obedient, continues to work hard on the family farm.  Nobody pays much attention to James, but they pray every day for Sam, crying out to God that He will bring their boy back to them. James prays too, but that secret part of his heart wishes his parents would notice that they still have one boy.

Then, Praise the Lord!  Sam comes home.  Ragged, skeletal, broken... but home.  The father is thrilled! They kill the fatted calf. They invite all of their friends.  The music plays; the home is filled with joy and laughter.  James wearily trudges home at the end of a long day, ready for a good meal and a hot bath... but what is all this noise?  The servants tell him, "Your brother came home!"

James freezes in his tracks.  The faithful, ignored one.  They are giving a party to Sam.



And they didn't even invite him!



Oh, since he showed up, he's welcome to come inside, but no one thought of him out in the field.  No one sent for him to rejoice.  All his faithfulness means nothing, in the long run.

And if he dares to try to express all those emotions tumbling around inside, he is written off as selfish.


Please understand, my parents never neglected me or made me feel ignored.  I had the best parents on the planet.  But I went to a church school.  Same kids, same teachers for 12 years.  Even if the teachers quit teaching in the school, we still saw them at church. As we grew into our teen years, I watched the "cool" people bending over backwards trying to "save" the teens who were seemingly not interested in God.  I had my own friends, but I kind of wished some of the "cool" people would do some of the cool things with me that they kept doing with the other teens.

I remember our band leader having a "heart-to-heart" with the high school students at the beginning of one school year.  She said something special about every student there, pointing out the things they could do to build each other up in the Lord, some talent they had that could be used of God.  When she came to me, I swear her mind went blank.  "And Julie... well, she's faithful. Always has been, always will be."  I felt like a nice piece of wallpaper.

I kept trying to think of little things I could do, skating the edge of "badness", just so people would notice me as a person.  I told one of my friends I should wear a black strapless dress to my graduation, just to get people's attention.  She thought that was hilarious... I think she would have helped me pick one out... except that she was restrained by the standard I was.  There are some things one just doesn't do in an ultra-conservative setting.

One more story that I hope brings the point home.  When I was in college, something happened that had me devastated...something that probably wouldn't even bother a normal person (before your mind goes to all the horrible things that can happen on a college campus).  I, however, was very upset at the situation.  A lady that I considered my friend noticed I was upset and asked me if I was going to be okay.  I told her I didn't know.  She laughed, and said, "You will be, you always have been before." Then she just walked away.  I stared after her, thinking, "How do you know? What if I'm not?" She never even asked what was wrong.

I'm not complaining.  I was lucky.  In spite of my teenage angst, I really did have good friends and people who cared about me.

So what am I trying to say?  Just this:

Parents, don't neglect the good kids.  The ones who do not cause trouble.  They need to know they are important to you, too.

One of the speakers at the OCEAN conference (Carol Barnier) mentioned this.  She had two ADHD children and one compliant child.  She pointed out that you don't have to give the compliant child as much time as the difficult ones.  I can testify to the truth of that statement.  You don't have to give us as much attention... we really do understand.  Then she said, "But you do have to give them some time." She said that she cut an hour out of her week to spend just with that compliant child... alone.  I wanted to leap out of my seat, throw my arms around her neck and cry, "Thank-you, thank-you, thank-you for understanding!"  It could be half an hour... it could be fifteen minutes... just something to let us know we matter.

In my case, I spent a lot of time folding laundry with my mom.  I knew she appreciated that she didn't have to worry about me.  I knew she would always be there to listen.

However, at these homeschool conferences, on parenting sites, on different blogs, everyone always seems worried about the difficult children.  I just want to point out that, whether you have a prodigal or an older brother, both need your love.  Both need to know you will listen.  And both have an equal need for the Savior.

Remember your quiet child.  Read Lisa Jacobson's How to Get Your Quiet Child to Talk . Give them an extra hug.  Let them know you appreciate not having to worry about them.

Most of all, make sure they know you will listen when they need you.

God Bless,

Jules